I had another blog planned for today, but after reading Nancy’s blog about anger I had to address this issue.

I have been told on more than one occasion that I appear angry. Well DUH! I have lived in a war zone for the past eight and a half years. I have had very few sane days since then. I have had to fight tooth and nail for every service for my son. I have had workers question my “credentials” and ability to handle my child. I spent the first five years that Sammy was with us without a diagnosis as to what was going on, no resources and a family who didn’t get it. Why would I be angry?

I have been physically and emotionally abused by my child, but I’m the one who has gone through an abuse investigation. I have had to undergo psychological testing to prove my fitness as a parent after Sammy entered his second residential treatment center. The worker felt there was nothing wrong with my child. It had to be my horrible parenting.

Some days we, as parents, appear angry because we are emotionally exhausted. You can only be beat up for so long before it takes a toll on you.

I have used this analogy many times and then it begins to make sense to people. If my husband treated me the way my son has treated me, I’d have people telling me to get out of my house, get a restraining order, and get a divorce. Because Sammy is my child, I should excuse and forgive his behavior. That makes me angry.

I am angry about the thousands of dollars of damage that my child has caused to my home. I am angry about the bedrooms that I lovingly decorated, only to have them destroyed during a rage. I am angry about the gifts, toys and various other things given to my son that became weapons or victims of his anger instead of being used as they were intended.

I am angry that there are still so many parents who are fighting this same battle. I am angry that workers don’t get it. I think all workers who are going to deal with traumatized children should have to live as a foster parent for at least six months before they enter their field. Then they would have a clearer picture as to what life is like on this side of the fence.

I am angry that agencies don’t adequately prepare parents for what life is really going to be like. One parent I know had a worker tell her that all the issues she was having with her foster daughter would go away once the adoption was final. WHAT? Adoption cures trauma? I bet that is news to the medical community.

I am angry that there is a lack of quality mental health care available for our kids. I don’t even know how many providers we went through that were an absolute joke and had no clue what was really going on in my house. Then there was the psychiatrist that wrote my son a prescription for six months worth of medication after a fifteen minute “check up.”

Yep, I’m angry. I’ll continue to be angry and advocate for changes to this system that we have. The one that is leaving both kids and parents in the dust.

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