Where did you learn how to love?

This was a question posed to me by Sammy’s attachment therapist a couple of years ago. We were discussing the abused I endured as a child and the lack of affection by my own parents. In order for a parent to be able to give and receive affection from a child, they have to have had that modeled for them. I did not get it from my parents, but I freely give it my kids, so the therapist wanted to know where I learned it.

My initial answer was from my friends in high school. We are all “huggers” and hug each time we see each other. The therapist told me it had to be something I learned much earlier than that. It took me quite a while to come up with it, but I finally realized it was from my Greg-Grandmother, Grandma Horn. I blogged briefly about her a few days ago,and one of my readers asked me to give more information, and I will happily do so.

Today would have been my Grandma’s birthday. This amazing woman started out as a fighter, and died the same way. She was born the middle of a set of a triplets in 1911. All three children survived, which was a major miracle in those days. The story if often told of how the babies were put in shoe boxes, then the oven was set on a low temperature, the door was opened, and the babies were placed on the oven door to keep them warm.

Grandma Horn worked in a shoe factory while being married to an alcoholic abusive husband. They had three daughters. She made the decision to divorce her husband in a time when you didn’t divorce for any reason, much less with three children to support, and with no driver’s license. Grandma Horn never had a driver’s license during her entire life. She was not the best speller, and she was afraid she would fail the written test, so she never applied. I can not imagine doing everything she did without having transportation other than her feet.

She married the man I knew as my Great-Grandfather when I was about Hannah’s age. I don’t remember their wedding, but I do remember Grandpa with great love. I spent many days at their home and always enjoyed being there. After Grandma retired, she wanted some extra spending money, so she came to clean my parent’s home once a week. Grandpa would drop her off in the morning before we left for school, and he would pick her up after we got home. I enjoyed the times talking with him during the pick ups and drop offs. I was in high school by this time.

When I say Grandma cleaned, I mean she CLEANED. At 75 and 80 years old, she climbed ladders, pulled curtains down, dusted all the blinds, scrubbed the floors on her hands and knees, washed windows, and anything else you can imagine. The funniest part of all this is that she would stop for one hour, have a piece of toast and a cup of coffee and watch “her story”. I don’t remember which soap opera it was, but she stopped to watch it. She also loved watching professional baseball and what still amazes me to this day, professional wrestling. The only thing she didn’t like about that was when they held the buckle/belt over their head after they won, because that was showing off.

This weekly guaranteed contact with my Grandma is something I treasured. We would sit and talk, bake together, I’d help with the cleaning (even though I hate cleaning) and every week she stripped my bed, washed my sheets and re-made my bed. When I climbed into this comfortable bed at the end of the night it was like getting a hug from Grandma. I still have that feeling to this day, and it’s been a long time since she made my bed for me.

She lived to do things for others, lived life to the fullest, taught me how to do embroidery and cross stitch, and just gave me love. She very rarely sat down. Her common saying was that she had “no rest in her butt.” I am much the same way.

I am proud to have many of the same qualities that she did, and wish that everyone would have an amazing role model in their lives like her. The triplets would have been 96 today. Two of them are gone. When I was living in Houston about 13 years ago, they were the second oldest living set of triplets in the United States. That made them special in the eyes of many, but Grandma was special to me for so many other reasons.

Photo credit – Gram on her 75th birthday in 1986

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