During my phone call with Sammy we talked about an ugly topic he didn’t really want to discuss, but it needed to be addressed.

Earlier in the day I had been on the phone with social services to try to find out what is going to happen with the theft charges Sammy now has pending against him. We will be back in court, and Sammy will probably be back in jail. If in fact he goes, this will be his fourth stay in secure detention, and he is only 14 year old. He is not headed on a good path.

I asked Sammy if he was going to escalate to try to get kicked out of the foster home. He did not directly answer the question, but rather tried to explain how it’s not his fault that happens. I have heard this reasoning before as well. I asked him where he was going to go if he blew out of the foster home, and he said “Well, probably to jail.” I agreed with him, but pushed a little further and asked where he’d go after jail. He broke down in REAL tears and said he wants to come home. We discussed the various reasons why home was not an option for him, and the changes he needs to make in order to come home.

The point I was trying to get through in the discussion is that he hasn’t thought very far ahead, which is not unusual for him. He has no clue where he’ll wind up when he’s released from jail. He said “Probably back in an RTC, or shelter care, or some other place I don’t like.” That’s a pretty safe assumption since there really isn’t any place he does like. He has problems with relationships no matter where he lives.

His logic, or lack of, is one of the side effects of his Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. While I know that, it doesn’t change that he will be a danger to me if I allow him back home now, and the entire treatment team knows this.

Sammy expressed a desire to make some changes, but his expectations are higher than everyone else’s. He feels he has to be perfect, and if it he “blows it” once during the day, then the whole day is shot and there’s no longer any point to working on the behaviors. It is highly flawed thinking, and something I tried to get across to him during our conversation. I did get one laugh out of him when I told him that being perfect is hard because not everyone could be like me.

Where he goes from here is anyone’s guess, but I have a feeling we will continue this cycle many more times.

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