This is a decision I had to make myself, and a question I have been asked before.. What do you send with a child when the child leaves your home?

The fact is, your foster care stipend or adoption subsidy is to pay for the kids. The reality is that many times we spend more than the allotted amount on the kids, so this can get to be a gray area.

A friend of mine recently had a new child join her home, and the previous mom did not send any of the baby’s bottles along. Kind of hard to feed a baby without any bottles, and not something most of us have on hand if we don’t have little ones in the house.

There are also things that are sentimental that you may wonder about sending. Both Kory and Mackenzie received some very special things while they lived in my house. I could not send them with their things, because I had a feeling they would get lost and they were too important. Yes, I know they are just things, but the love they were given with is quite special.

Virtually all of my kids’ things went with them. These things belonged to my kids. So, what do you send?

Clothing – Do not send clothing that they have outgrown. The next family doesn’t want to deal with them anymore than you do. In some cases I would hit a tremendous sale and bought things for the next size that the kids were going to be in. I sent all those things along as well.

Toys – Again, these should have been paid for with the subsidy check, so they belong to the kids. We had some toys that both Sammy and Kory shared and we discussed with both boys what was going to go and what was going to stay. For the most part it was handled amicably. It helps the kids to have things that are familiar to them when they move.

Items for their care – If there are special things that your child needs for care, be sure to send them. It might be a special soap or shampoo, or basic things like bottles, plates or baby food and formula. Most parents are advised to wait for the child to arrive and see what they need before purchasing things. If you have other children in the home who are at the same stage as the child leaving, be considerate to the receiving parents and send enough to get them through the first day or two. The last thing you want to do after placement of a new child is to run out and pick up a bunch of things.

Instructions for the child’s care – If your child has a routine, write out a list for the new family. If there are things that will comfort the child, such as a blanket or a bedtime story, certain foods the child does or does not like, or other things that will help the child transition into a new home, send this information along. It will let the child know that you loved them enough to do this, and it will help the new family to get through the initial “rough spot” of incorporating a new child into the home.

Medical information – If you have medical records that you can send, give them to the social worker, if not write down the name of the providers that you have used for the child. Pediatrician, dentist, any specialists or therapists involved, or others who have records of the child’s care. Be sure to include any immunization records.

If you are not comfortable sending these things to the next family, give them to the social worker. Sometimes you might want to keep a copy of documents that you send. When Kory & Mackenzie left, I wrote out pages upon pages of notes about their care, along with my name, phone number and e-mail address for the new family to contact us if they had any questions. I told Kory that I had done this and he was very happy. Out of spite, the person who had been caring for the kids in the interim was not going to pass this information along until Kory requested it. I told the social worker I had done it, but had forgotten to make a copy of it. The worker wanted to add it to the kids’ files for any future needs.

Photos – I made a photo album for Kory and included photos of the people who were important to him while he was here, along with all the names of the people so that the new family would know who he was talking about. He loved this album.

When making a decision about what to send, think about what you would want with you if you had to start your life over again in someplace that was totally unfamiliar.

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