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When we first began the adoption process 8 years ago, our social worker encouraged us to make a book or photo album for the child who would be entering our home. Things to show him/her what our home was like, what our interests were, what we looked like, etc.
We did this with each of the boys. Mackenzie was a baby, and Hannah already knew us and had been to our house for respite, plus she didn’t know she was coming for an adoptive placement when she came, so only the boys received books.
These are still treasures to them. Sammy’s is falling apart from having been looked at many times over 8 years. I don’t know whether Kory looks at his anymore, but many times during the 17 months he was with us, he wanted to look at his “new Mommy and Daddy book”.
With scrapbooking being so popular now, it is easy to make books to appeal to the child and make them feel comfortable. It is also easy to make it overwhelming. There are so many neat things available.
The purpose of the book is for the children to be able to “meet” you at a pace that they feel comfortable with. The books are generally given to the child before you meet them in person. This way they have questions to ask you, and you can seem a little bit more familiar to them when you do meet.
What should you include in the book?
Here is what we did:
• Outside picture of your home
• Pictures of all the members of the house, yes, even pets. Having pets can be scary for a child.
• Photos of where you work. This may not seem important, but believe me, it can be. Hannah still thinks that Daddy ALWAYS works on the ambulance, even though we have been to his office a couple of times.
• Photos of your vehicles.
• Photos of the dining room or kitchen, wherever you eat meals.
• Photos of the child’s bedroom, even if it just has a bed and 4 walls. They want to know that you’re going to have a place for them to sleep.
• Things that you like to do together and photos of you doing them. Do you like camping, watching NASCAR, bowling, or horseback riding?
• Photos of other family that the child with interact with on a regular basis. Do not include Great-Aunt Minnie 3 times removed, just immediate family that the child will see regularly. Too many people in the photos may scare the child and trying to remember all the names and how they fit into the family can be overwhelming.
• If the child will be attending school, pictures of the school, both inside and out. If there will be a day care facility involved, photos of the day care.
Even young children can comprehend this. The faces they see will be familiar even they don’t place how they fit into the family.
You can also use this book as a conversation starter with your child during visits. What does your child like to do, favorite foods, etc.?
Once Sammy arrived in our home I added to his book. The people at Larry’s office, and some friends and family had given us a shower. I included photos from the showers, and all the cards that we received welcoming him to the family. Many people wrote notes specifically to him, so it was important that they be added. One of the most treasured ones is the one from my Great-Grandmother who suffered a stroke a few months after Sammy arrived.
When you are making the book, keep in mind the age of the child that you are searching for. Then think of what you would want to know if you were moving to a new home or family.
If you don’t feel crafty, you can find instant scrapbooks at Hallmark that can help you put one together.
Hopefully your book will become the treasured memory that ours became to our boys.
The welcome book has to be one of the greatest idea in adoption. My experience is similar to yours Kelly. Each of the boy’s carefully protects his book, but makes sure it is always in sight in his room. They do look at them requently. The downside is that they point to pictures of me and point out that I have aged! (Dangerfield was right)
Each son also got a videotape of the same things, and they have memorized the script. If I had known they would pay that much attention, I would have put a lot more thought into my spiel. John
I like the video idea John. I never thought of that one.