Do you remember when you first learned how to ride a two wheeler? Were you scared or excited? Was your mom or dad holding on when you realized you could do it, or did it take you a while to realize they had let go?

It is a momentous day here. Hannah has done her first day with no training wheels. Not really a big deal, right? After all, kids learn how to ride two wheelers every day. For kids with trust issues, it is a big deal.

If you can remember back to the day that you learned, you were probably a little afraid. However, you were probably able to trust the adult who was helping you. You probably crashed or fell a few times, but had someone to pick you up and kiss you and make it all better. Not all of our kids have that.

Kids in foster care, or who were adopted from foster care, have trust issues. That’s a pretty simple fact. The problem is that it cuts into every part of their lives and even with something as simple as a bike ride. You have to trust the person helping you to not let go until you get steady. You have to trust that if you get hurt, someone is going to care enough to clean you up and put a bandage on any scrapes. That’s a lot to ask our kids. If they can’t trust us for basic things like food and shelter, how can they trust us to keep them safe from injury?

There is no set formula for how long it takes a child to develop trust. Some people say one month for every year in foster care or one month for every year of age. It would be nice it that were true. For some kids it’s probably pretty true, for many others, it won’t even come close. It truly depends on the child, how long they have been in care, how many moves they have had while in care, if there is any mental illness or developmental delays involved, the level of abuse or neglect they suffered before coming into care, and yes, possibly while in care. There are far too many variables to try to apply a formula to it.

Some children may never trust or at least not fully. Sammy is a long way from fully trusting, but he knows we are his safe place to fall. That may be as good as it ever gets, and we’re learning to accept that.

If you have a child who has learned to trust, celebrate that fact. I’ll be celebrating as Hannah is breezing up and down the driveway on 2 wheels.


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