Do you have anything that makes you scared just thinking about it? Do you have things that you are afraid of? Does the thought of heights make you queasy, or the sight of snakes make you want to run?

This is how our kids live most of their lives. There is something that causes them to panic, and you may not always know what that something is. In fact, they may not always know what it is, or they may not be able to put words to their trigger.

Here is an example. When I was still working and Kory was in day care, the day care had nap time. Kory wouldn’t nap anywhere but our home. It didn’t matter if he knew the person whose home we were at, he would not nap. Even at home he didn’t like the word nap. If I said it was nap time, he would say “No, snooze time” or some variation of that. The word nap was his trigger. It caused him to have a panic or anxiety attack. While he was in day care, he would not nap and in fact he would often scream and keep the other kids awake because he was afraid to nap. As far as we can figure, there was some type of abuse at nap time. There was nothing in his file to indicate this and he could not tell us anything that happened at nap time, but he sure had a reaction to that word.

If you have a child who was neglected, being “lost” in a store may be a trauma trigger for them. It will take them back to the time when they were alone and scared. It won’t matter if you just stepped around the corner to grab something, the fact that you are out of sight is the trigger.

Many kids have anniversaries as triggers. We just went through several bad weeks with Hannah. The anniversary of her move-in with us was December 27th. The fact that it so closely corresponds to Christmas means that Christmas then becomes a trigger. Even though she wanted Christmas to come and she enjoyed it, it still brought her fear of moving. My in-laws came to visit about ten days before Christmas. We were going down to visit Sammy at his foster home and Hannah asked if she could ride in Grandma and Grandpa’s car with them. We said that was fine, but during the drive she continually asked where my husband and I were, even though we were in the car right in front of them.

Each child will display their trauma in different ways. In some kids a trauma trigger can result in bad behavior. The kids don’t know how to handle the emotions that they have and anger is a “safe” emotion so the feelings come out in bad behaviors. In other kids, they could become clingy. If there is a fear of being left the child may cling to you everywhere you go and not let you out of their sight.

Some kids will become self destructive or have self injury behaviors. Julie has blogged about how LuLu will start to scratch herself when she becomes anxious. LuLu’s behaviors are like those of a child with a trauma trigger. Shortly after Sammy’s adoption was finalized we had a visit with his biological grandparents. He became afraid that he was going to move back with them. He was in his bedroom and broke the glass in a picture frame, then used the broken glass to slash the back of his hand thirteen times. He was only six years old.

Some kids may only have a few triggers and others may have money. Some kid will be able to tell you what is causing the anxiety and others can not. If there is something that you are afraid of, think of the feelings that you have when faced with that fear Now imagine you are two, four, six or eight years old and faced with those same anxieties and emotions. How would you feel?

This is how our kids feel.

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