When you are fostering or adopting you might need some help!

Pregnant moms get baby showers; foods delivered, and help after childbirth. (In a perfect world of course). Foster and adoptive moms may not get the attention and support they could use - the baby showers don’t come, and friends and family may not rally around to help you after the adoption – unless you ask!

So Ask! Or direct your friends and family to this post:

Here are Ten Ideas to Help a New Foster and Adoptive Family:

• 1. Call on the telephone in the middle of the day. This is a tricky one. Children new in the home may not have a regular sleeping schedule yet. Don’t call too early – the family may be sleeping in after a rough night – and try to miss nap times. A good rule of thumb is call during the lunch hour.

• 2. Cleaning: Offer to clean the kitchen, bathroom, any room! Do some laundry, sort and fold, vacuum. Even thirty minutes will help.

• 3. Bring homemade soups. Good hot nourishing food that can be frozen until needed.

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  4. Go shopping for the family. Ask for the grocery list or just go purchase a few necessities and basics for the pantry. Shopping with children can be challenging if they have not adjusted yet.

• 5. Offer to babysit/child watch. This can be tricky if they are foster children, as some agencies won’t allow just anyone into your home to watch children. HOWEVER, most agencies will allow your friends to come visit. Getting a shower can be challenging for moms with new children. My teenage neighbor used to come sit in the house for thirty minutes so I could shower and get dressed and make the bed. So helpful!

• 6. Ask first! Ask before picking up the child. Foster children maybe sensitive to touch – (and it is against policy to pick up children without their consent – this is covered in CORE training.) Parents may be practicing attachment parenting and don’t want others picking up the children for a few months.

• 7. Ask before feeding the children anything. Sugar could be reserved for parents only (again, an attachment technique), or there may be allergies.

• 8. Listen. The old adage for salespeople works really well for friends and family of foster parents: We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. Listent to us get out our joys, frustrations, dreams, hopes and regrets – but don’t comment – we already get so much feedback from caseworkers, home study supervisors, well meaning grocery clerks and strangers at the park we don’t need more input.

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  9. Get fingerprinted! Then you could be on call for emergency babysitting.

• 10. Take a Love and Logic class, or read a book, so you understand how your foster parent friend is probably parenting. These sometimes difficult children often need creative parenting! Learn about it so you can support it.

And most of all, help your friend have some fun with parenting. Help them let the small stuff go and keep the big picture in focus.

Just like with any new parents, be there for your friend or familily member. They need you!

More ideas?

Comment below!