Shortly before Sammy left his foster mom’s house, she wrote us a short little note, but it spoke volumes. She was saying that she hoped he would do well in his new placement, and then she gave this assessment:

He can do well if he wants to, but he’s still to angry too try.

Boy, she couldn’t have hit the nail on the head any better if she had tried. Sammy is so full of anger that he won’t let anything good happen to him.

A few days ago I was struggling with thinking that I could bring him back home and start attachment parenting 101 all over again, and possibly get through to him. I quickly got a reality check when I received a phone call from Sammy’s new foster dad that same day. It seems that Sammy and another one of the boys there have been sneaking out at night, breaking into cars and stealing cigarettes. They are also confiscating lighters and cigarettes from Sammy on a daily basis.

This was a big realization that I can not provide enough supervision to keep him, and the rest of us safe.

But….. I still struggle with wanting the best for my son. I want him to have the life he deserves and that I know he could have if he tried. There’s the rub. He has to be the one to want to try, and he just plain doesn’t. His anger is far more comfortable for him.

In some respects I am like him. I am tired of all the cursing, stealing, destruction and various other behaviors that never seem to get any better no matter how hard *I* try. Right now I am too angry to allow him back into my home and force myself to try to “let it slide” in regard to some of the behaviors. I have put up with them for far too long.

So here we sit in our rut. He is too angry to try to make positive changes in his life, and I am to angry to try to let things go. The thing is that his changes could lead to my changes, but his changes won’t happen any time soon.

After many years of “doing battle” I have come to the realization that he has to work as hard, or harder, on his life than I do. As long the balance is the other way, we will never get anywhere.

Photo credit - Sammy in 2004