Foster Adoption Blog

10/05/07

Toileting issues

Posted by : Kelly in Foster Adoption Blog at 02:54 pm , 611 words, 233 views  
Categories: Specific Behaviors


Thankfully, this is one issue that I have very little experience with. We dealt with it intermittently with Sammy, but not to the extent that other parents have. For that I am very grateful.

Many kids have issues with bodily fluids, and there are various reasons behind that. Some are medical, some are trauma related, and others are control issues. One of my favorite lines from Nancy Thomas is that you can’t control what goes in or out of a child. Oh, did I learn that, and do our kids ever know it.

Let’s discuss medical issues. Some kids have bodies that develop at different speeds and their bladder may not keep up with the rest of their bodies, thus causing bed wetting. A doctor can tell you if this is the problem. Other kids may have issues because of medications. Some medications can cause constipation, and others can cause children to sleep through the urge to use the bathroom. Again, your doctor should be able to let you know if these are potential side effects. The medical term for bedwetting is Enuresis.

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There is another medical condition called encopresis. This has to do with the body’s inability to hold stools or properly “dispose of” the waste. All of these medical issues refer to after a child has been toilet trained, or should be.

Some children have toileting issues because of sexual abuse. The child will soil himself or his bed to make himself unappealing to perpetrators. As trust and safety issues build, these behaviors should disappear, but it can still be very frustrating.

Lastly, there are the kids who choose these issues to express their emotions, or just to get you angry. They can and they know it. Some kids will urinate in various places or collect urine to let you know they are “pissed off.” Other kids choose fecal matter to let you know that things are “crappy”. You may find some of these treasures in very unique hiding spots. One friend had a son who urinated in deodorant bottles and hid them up in the ceiling panels. Some kids have been known to put their waste in the heating ducts, hide it in various spots around the house, stick their soiled underwear underneath the bed or in drawers, and so on. Imagine a spot and you’re like to find a prize there.

Then there are the kids who want you to know their feelings directly. These are the kids that will draw pictures for you on the wall using various bodily fluids. I’d almost rather have that than “find the prize”, but I’m thankful that I haven’t dealt with it.

Last but not least is the common one at our home. Waiting until the very last minute to go because they don’t want to interrupt what is going on. Then it is an emergency and everyone else better be out of the bathroom. This has also been known to be an issue during “boring” times. Say in the middle of the grocery store. This one is slightly easier to take, but not always. Especially not when I just past the bathroom at the opposite end of the store.

The key to all of these, except the medical issues, is handling the trauma behind the behavior. If the trauma is not addressed, this behavior could last for years. Yes, there have been teenagers who have continued to create artwork and leave prizes.

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Photo credit Yes, that is an aquarium in the back of the toilet.

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