In my previous blog, I shared the rules that my friend, Elaine, established for her family. An equally important document is one that she wrote and is starts “To Be A Smith Is To Believe………..” and contains the following statements:

I am responsible for MY own actions. No one makes me do what I do.

If my work is poorly done, it is MY responsibility to improve.

If I misbehave, it is MY responsibility to correct my behavior.

It is time for me to stop blaming others for the way I act and start taking responsibility for my actions.

I choose to be a strong survivor instead of a poor victim.

I am who I am because of the CHOICES I make.

Responsibility is the key to MY SUCCESS. If it is to be, it is up to ME.

I have been hand-picked to be part of the Smith family and with that privilege, I accept Mom & Dad only ask in return:

I will make a choice each day to be Happy, Helpful, and Respectful of others.

I understand that the more I give, the more I will receive.

What I like about this is that is so clearly spells out what we try to teach our kids, but so very rarely actually voice to them. I know this is what I have tried to teach Sammy, but have never spelled out so succinctly as Elaine has.

The first belief is one that we have been over with Sammy ad nauseum. If I had a nickel for every time I have heard that someone made him do something, I’d be retired in Hawaii by now. Taking responsibility for things is certainly not a thing that Sammy has mastered. If you notice, the first four beliefs in Elaine’s list are about responsibility and isn’t that really what parenting is about? Teaching our kids to be responsible citizens in life?

Most families don’t need lists like this in their homes, but we’re not dealing with the average child and average family. We are dealing with emotionally damage children.

Elaine’s statement about being a strong survivor rather than a poor victim is a great one. These children were victims, no doubt about it, but they don’t have to remain victims. I know too many people who are stuck in victim mentality and do nothing to improve their lives. Being a victim is comfortable for them. Our kids deserve a great life instead of remaining a victim. I don’t remember where I heard this, but someone said that when you remain a victim, you allow the “perpetrator” to continue control over you. I know most of us don’t want to be controlled by someone else, and I know our kids sure don’t. One of the best gifts we can give them is strength.

Think about the beliefs you are trying to teach your kids, and don’t be afraid to put them in writing as well as discussing your beliefs with your kids. How else are they going to know exactly what you’re trying to help them with?



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