I have one of those page-a-day perpetual calendars on my desk. Each day contains an inspirational thought and a bible passage that goes with it. Here is today’s thought and bible verse.

Train youth to make good choices by your words and example.

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.- Proverbs 22:6

Oh, if only it were that simple. This may have worked in biblical times, but in this day and age with pre-natal drug and alcohol exposure, physical, emotional and sexual abuse, as well as neglect, it takes a lot more than leading by example.

If we could just lead by example, these blogs and all the adoption support groups would not be necessary. Our children would accept our love and would all be fine upstanding citizens in society.

The reality is, our kids have been hurt, severely. Many in ways that we don’t want to begin to imagine, or in some cases, ways that we have lived ourselves.

We can train children in manners, in life skills, education, and all sorts of other things, but “training” a child to trust, that’s a whole different issue.

Cindy recently blogged about Fears Forever. Her blog proves that you can not “train” a child out of their fears.

Sammy has been with us for 8 years, and we still struggle with trauma, and fear of us leaving him. He has left our home for shelter care, juvenile detention, residential treatment, and now treatment foster care, and we have remained with him through everything, but he is still uncertain. Every time he has left, we have told him how much we loved him, and that we’re still his parents.

To address the part on the calendar- do we show him by example? You bet. I am a very physically affectionate person. I hug and kiss my kids all the time. I tell them I love them several times a day. I have showed up at every court hearing, and every meeting.

On an intellectual level he sees me working with doctors and specialists to help him, but that is only half of it. His emotional side doesn’t always compute that these things are done as acts of love and for his best interest.

However, some things have paid off. Sammy is leaps and bounds ahead of where he was 8 years ago. He is able to give and receive affection. He is slowly developing a conscience. I am no longer on speed dial for behavioral issues at school. Most of the time he is able to talk about his feelings, and sometimes he even initiates the conversations. “Mom, I need to talk to you.”

My advice to you- Train as much as you can. You never know what lessons are sinking in, and some of those lessons take a very long time.

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