e-mail
We need a new couch. The one we have now was purchased when we moved into this house, and pre-kids. When we bought it, I was more concerned about style and décor. What does this have to do with foster care and adoption? Well, I look at things differently these days.
For instance, when looking at furniture, I find myself thinking “That chair would be big enough to hold me and a kiddo for cuddle time.” Or “That would never hold up to a raging kid.”
I’ve known for a while that my couch was dying, but we have put off buying a new one because other things needed my attention and/or money. We are beyond putting it off now. It is falling apart.
When I first noticed my “new” way of thinking I posted a couple of thoughts on one of the ADN lists. It soon became a list of “normal parents don’t” things. I also started the post at the same time that we were visiting Sammy in juvenile detention for the first time so it went something like this….
Normal parents don’t pick furniture based on how well it will function with destructive kids.
Normal parents don’t visit their kids in jail.
Normal parents don’t know the names of all the deputies in the county.
It became a very lengthy list, and parents were willing to chime in to help relieve some frustration, and find a way to laugh. It became such an important item, and such a description of our lives, that we included in our conference program at the first annual Parenting Traumatized Children conference in Atlanta last year. When parents read that, they knew that this group understood their lives.
My hunt for the perfect couch will continue. I’m not sure there is one made that can withstand everything that goes on in my house, but I will be looking at things with a different perspective.
Chime in with some of your “normal parents don’t” things. We’d love to add them to the list. You will know that there are other parents out there who “get it”.
I know my way of thinking will never be the same. I will always view things differently, but I am glad for the experiences that have given me this way of thinking.
By the way, the photo is not of MY couch. Mine looks marginally better, and is blue.
