When we first were approved as a foster-adopt home, my sister (the MSW one, not the fashion one and curly hair one) sent me this book, Time - Out for Parents, A Compassionate Approach to Parenting by Cheri Huber and Melinda Guyol. I must say that even reading the title makes me stop and take a moment, and think about what is important in life. Sometimes it is the parents that need the quiet time. Perhaps it is a long break, or just time to take a breath when the two-year-old is screaming.

The premise of the book, written by a Zen Meditation teacher, is that a Time -Out, should be a good thing, a welcome reprise. During a time out - for both parents and kids, we can tune into ourselves to see how we are feeling, and what is going on with us in the moment.

Instead of Time-Outs sending a message of punishment, and feeling bad - we can use the quiet time to discover our needs and then give our children what they are needing. It is another tool to react with love and compassion to our children, rather than anger. And yet, they also stress that anger is a real emotion, and sometimes as parents, and as kids, we do feel anger. The authors show us and remind us that expressing and feeling our emotions is a healthy thing - and not to run and hide from ourselves. - Our children also need to learn from us how to handle our emotions.

And I love the tools that help me remember I'm the adult and the kids are just trying to push my buttons, or get me to change something we are doing or not doing. Usually if I take a break, I can difuse the tantrums, or angry outbursts. Then we can see what really wants to happen, what the problem really is, if we need to talk more or do something different.

If I'm stressed or my child is stressed, perhaps the stress is just trying to get me to listen more carefully to something that wants to change - either inside myself or in the moment.

In our family, we breathe and breathe some more, whenever it gets tense. Does it always work? No, but we get past the moment, and try to find a new way.

It's a great book.

Thanks sis.