Like Julie, over on the special needs blog, I feel a bit in overwhelm these days. I have nothing to whine about really, but sometimes all the projects on my desk and in my mind and then the very dirty house and laundry are enough to cause me to retreat into my head.

I used to shuffle tasks well, then I became a mom, and I still am able to get many things done at once – but it is a bit different. Now my major focus is on K’s development and well being – but sometimes I want to find a pre-school and turn over that responsibility to someone else. For a few hours a day anyway.

Pre-school is just a personal decision. Some families don’t have a choice when everyone works and the school is a necessity.

My old life of getting up extra early and going to work everyday looks good sometimes – especially the money. Then K does something funny, and comes to me crying because her doll fell down and got hurt, and I know staying home is the right thing for me.

Already though, I am hoping she gets into the school we’ve applied to. The school year starts next August, she’ll be almost four, and ready I think for school. I’d be more ready as well.

Sometimes my head goes in the opposite direction and I think about home schooling. I’d be pretty good at it for the first year or so, (after all, isn’t that what I’m doing informally now?), but then I think I’d get frustrated with it. I don’t know why I think that, as I have no idea what home schooling would entail.

I take K everywhere with me, and that has put a damper on some of my activities that I used to do – get massages, have lunches out with girlfriends, go shopping. Sometimes that sounds good too, could I , would I, want that back? Naah, my spending habits have been forced to come under control!

So today I dream of having a job, or starting up my consulting business again, or writing for magazines, and then K calls from the bedroom, Mommy Mommy, I’m awake. And I’m happy I get to wait a few more months before school.