We have equated Sammy coming home on weekend passes with a tornado coming through our home. Today is no exception.

Sammy was home for 3 hours when I discovered him in my office, which is a major No No in my house. I searched his pockets and found a cigarette lighter on him. This has been a problem for years. He finds them everywhere, and I believe he actively searches for them as well.

This led me to search his room where I found a small knife, and underneath the mattress I found a couple of porn magazines and some cigars he swiped from my husband, and in the gutter outside his room a half smoked cigar. When I revealed that I had found these things, I was the recipient of long string of curse words.

We decided to end the home pass and called the treatment foster home. His foster mom had surgery about 10 days ago, and is not fully recovered yet. The woman who helps her is on vacation until Monday. She can’t take Sammy back. She also indicated that after 2 months of his behaviors, she needed a break from him. This was both validating and a bit off putting, since I have dealt with these behaviors for 8 years.

I called the wrap around program who I am supposed to call if he violates the rules while he is here. Well, he violated several big family rules. When I spoke with the on-call worker, she told me that they didn’t have any resources, but would try to find respite with the homes that the foster mom normally uses. Big surprise here, on a holiday weekend there was no answer. So, Sammy gets to stay here. We are to provide “line of sight” supervision, meaning we must have eyes on him at all times. The only time he is by himself is when he is in his bathroom or in his room with the alarm on, but leaving him in his room is risky after what I discovered.

Should his behaviors escalate (which he likely may do to get out of here now) we are to call the police, and have him removed to shelter care. Shelter care is glorified babysitting. It is essentially like a group home, but nothing is locked. Sammy has survived many stays there, and has even run away from there. This is not a threat to him. Should he land in shelter care again, that means more court hearings, more court sanctions, and possibly a stay in juvenile detention, which he has already done three times.

So what is a parent to do? Do any of you wise parents have suggestions? When he was in residential placement, returning him was a viable option.