Yesterday I helped to transition our respite “daughter” into a new home that may have the chance of being a permanent placement for her. I had intended to have this young woman until the end of summer, but a joint decision was made to move her to my friend, Elaine’s house, where she may stay and where they can determine if she is a good fit in their home.

We spent the morning at the zoo. When we returned home we sat down with Dana and some of Elaine’s kids and went through the Smith family rules. Elaine had e-mailed me the list of rules before hand and I thought what she had written was so wonderful I asked for her permission to blog about it. The Smith family rules covers not only things like bedtime, who cleans up what, and what TV and movies are allowed, but it also covers how everyone treats each other. Let me share some of these great “rules” with you.

Treat mom and dad with respect (no eye rolling, no huffing away, no stomping feet, no slamming doors, no shouting back).

Everyone takes good care of each other. Remember to say you’re sorry (even if you didn’t mean to hurt someone). We watch out for each other.

No one is allowed to hit, tease, or talk back to show power. Our power is to be tolerant and show kindness to each other.

All of us are expected to use good manners 100% of the time.

Everyone in the family has a choice to be happy and to have a good life. And it IS a choice.

I would say that these rules can be used in any family. These are just common sense things and the way we should all treat each other all the time.

We discussed these rules in a very light hearted manner rather than a militant “you must do this” type of thing. We poked fun, made jokes, and acknowledged that not everyone in the family is “perfect” and everyone is working on something. Even the kids who were part of the discussion acknowledge their own “flaws” and what they were working on. It made things much less tense.

Another great part of the Smith family rules is that their oldest daughter gave insight into each of the kids personality, from her point of view. Some of the views were funny, some factual and some a combination of both, but they were all quite honest.

Here is an example of one such description:

Tanya (13/7th grade): Tanya suffers from fetal alcohol effects. This means their bio mother (Tanya & Rhonda are bio sisters) drank alcohol during the pregnancy and it negatively hurt Tanya. What does this mean? Everyone in family especially watches out for Tanya to keep her safe. She is fun to be around and tries hard. Tanya loves basketball, dancing, singing, roller blading, reading, playing her violin, writing stories, reading stories to Alex and Polly.

My favorite part of the Smith family rules is a single paragraph that spells out what each person’s job is in regards to meals.

Everyone has a job. Tina helps mom, Sarah helps mom/wipes table off after eating, Bruce takes out the garbage, Tanya empties the dishwasher, Rhonda & Olivia set the table, Alex takes out the milk bottles (we have milk delivery) and Polly’s job is to be a joy.

Polly is 3. I love her and she is an absolute joy. She takes her job seriously.

I plan to take several pages from Elaine and craft a version our family rules. Most will not need to be changed since Elaine and I think very much the same and have the same values. I think this is a great document as it is and I thank her for allowing me to share it.



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