Continued from previous post on rule #3 and race……

So, after I zip coded myself, and discovered that 75.3% of us in this town are white, it began to make more sense that the children coming into foster care were also primarily white.

I talked about it recently with my agency.

“The first choice when making a placement is to try to put children within their own race when possible. Here,(in our town) that almost always happens. The mix of foster families is directly related to the mix of our races. There are a lot of white foster families and then a few families of mixed races and a few AA foster families and even fewer Asian foster families. This correlates to the mix of the general population. We have a lot of white children coming into foster care because there are a lot of white families here. When a child of a different race comes into foster care, we usually (but not always) have a family within the same race to take them. That is why you haven’t had children of other races in your home. (yet)…..”

So I have no experience here. I admit I have not had a child of a different race living in my house.

But wait. That isn't true.

All of my step-children and grandchildren are mixed race. Hubby’s first wife and family are Hispanic and we love those kids deeply. Race isn’t an issue for us. Or so we thought.

My step-children have a large extended family that looks just like them.

My different raced children wouldn't.

Does it matter?

Sometimes I think it does.

When we filled out our home study forms, we did not check the AA box, or the Hispanic box or the Asian box on our form. But not checking, we were still making a decision. We were deciding not to decide – yet. Or to let others decide for us.

A cop out.

During our home study, we did discuss race, and we said that we would take any children, and I want to think I would take any child that needed a home.

But I know that isn’t true for me. I have some expectations. After having a RAD child, I really want to avoid having another one. Since I have a bit of experience with some medical issues, I'm more open to those children.

Race is such an emotionally charged issue, people are scared to talk about it.

Can I say what I really feel?

What do I really feel? What will I feel if people stare at our family at the store? What will my child feel?

I notice mixed families because they do stand out.

Should I try not to notice?

I wish we lived somewhere where I wouldn't notice. There are parts of the USA and the world where cultures and races interact and people intermarry and live as one big happy family.

That hasn't happened here yet.

In my small town in mid America.

Should I be a change agent? Is this my path? Am I making too much of it?

Does it matter?

Should it matter?

I’ve got my rules and my expectations and……

maybe I will throw them all out.

I got a great comment on the last post:

The reader said in part...

....My son is the light of my life, such joy in having him here I could not fully express. I am glad I did not say no to the opportunity to have such a wonderful, beautiful child & I shudder to think I almost did.....

Many others have talked beautifully about adopting interracially. ( Mo and Erin and Owlhaven). For those families transracial adoption works great. Yet I also read about all the extra concern the moms take, how they spend hours learning about other cultures, and try to help their children find other children whose skin looks like theirs.

Am I ready to do that?

Is there a right answer here?

I want a child who will integrate into our family. Not because of race or brown hair or green eyes, but a child who we can love.

And maybe that child may come in a different color, shape or size than us.

Comments welcomed.. but be gentle. I'm trying to navigate these waters for the first time......