Yes, this is somewhat faith based, but hang in there with me, and see where this goes.



If you’re not familiar with this story, here’s how it goes.

In the story told by Jesus, a man has two sons. The younger demands his share of his inheritance while his father is still living, and goes off to a distant country where he wastes his money on what young men waste their money on, and eventually has to take work as a servant who takes care of hogs. There he comes to his senses, and determines to return home and throw himself on his father's mercy. But when he returns home, his father greets him with open arms, and hardly gives him a chance to express his regret; he kills a "fatted calf" to celebrate his return and throws a big party. The older brother becomes angry, apparently jealous at the favored treatment of his faithless brother and upset at the lack of reward for his own faithfulness. But the father responds:

“But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' “


Luke 15:32 (New International Version)

I have never been able to relate to the prodigal son, but I can sure relate to the father and the “other” son.

As a parent of special needs children, I just about jump for joy when my kids make the slightest big of progress. Each baby step that Sammy has taken has caused great joy in me. Even if it’s something like “he had a rage and didn’t break anything.” In my house, that’s progress. The first time Hannah fell asleep in my lap during “cuddle time” , I wanted to dance around the house. I knew that was something that she wouldn’t allow herself to do with her first adoptive mom.

At the same time, I understand the son who felt slighted. I have suffered the criticism of many people saying that I should praise my kids more, or that if I would just love them more, they’d be OK. Anyone who has been in a similar situation, know the sting I’m talking about. I’ve always wanted to know how you love a child “more”. Do people think that we only love our kids at 50% or 60% and hold back the rest for some other time? How do you love your child 125%?

Sometimes I look at things with the kids, and with my husband, and say “Why should I praise that, it’s something they should do anyway?” Hey, no one gives me a pat on the back when I’ve just done 6 loads of laundry, why should I shout for joy when you bring your dirty clothes to the laundry room? I do dishes every day, why should we give you a round of applause because you did the dinner dishes? I go (most) days without cursing people out, why should I congratulate my son for not call me all the lovely words he likes to use?

In some ways, it can be dangerous thinking. We DO need to show our appreciation to our partner and our kids, but at the same time, I think praising too much can be detrimental too. Some of our kids have a very difficult time accepting praise, and they use it as an excuse to sabotage things. There is an article by the National Association of School Psychologists that says that excessive praise can actually

“.....undermine children's ability to value themselves. Praise and rewards should be based upon children's effort and persistence, rather than on the actual accomplishment.”

There are many other studies that back up these findings.

So what’s the point? Rejoice where you can. Somedays, the only good things in the day are the small things. Give praise, but where it is warranted. And overall, no of us are perfect. We’re all on a learning curve.

Yes, the guys in the photo are my guys. This was taken a few years ago, and my hubby has decided to grow his hair out. He hasn't had it cut since this photo, and it now reaches the middle of his back. Sammy has since returned to his natural hair color of dark brown.