My best friend sent me this story, and while the author is unknown, the story itself is beautiful and I think that many of us can relate to it. I know I sure can.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible; "The Invisible Mom."

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, and she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women. Great Job, MOM!

Did this ever resonate with me! I know there are all times when we feel unappreciated and taken advantage of. I certainly do. I do a lot for my family, and I always (almost) put their needs first.

It’s hard to give so much to people and not have it returned or to get a less enthusiastic response than we expected. It’s hard not to get stuck in a “pity party” or to throw a fit and yell at our family members for not doing their share and the reality is we do it and we deserve to be appreciated.

I think I have created a home that my children love. The little things that we do that we don’t feel get noticed may be tucked away somewhere and brought out at a time when our kids feel anxious.

What about the foster children who only live in your home a few months? What will their memories of your home be? I’m not one that keeps an immaculate home. Instead my kids have memories of baking cookies or cakes with me, of curling up on the couch and watching T.V. or their favorite movie, or as Hannah calls it, “having a girls day.” If there is a child in my house for a short time, these are the kinds of memories I want them to have, not of me spending every waking moment making sure that there isn’t any dust on the coffee table.
This does not mean that I am a perfect parent by any means. I still have days where I expect it “all” from my family and wish that they’d be more helpful, but I do the best I can.

And I have changed greatly. I used to try to be the “perfect parent” especially for those on the outside. I felt like I had to present the picture perfect family at all times. Rather hard when you have special needs kids. There are still some people who think I have it all together and I just laugh at them. One of the members on the adoption.com forums has a great saying in her signature:

We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.

Our families may not be perfect, and some days we may feel like throwing in the towel, but hopefully the things we do for our kids will translate into feelings of love that they carry with them throughout their entire lives.

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