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We had our meeting with the adoption social worker this morning to start our home study. We have already submitted the stacks of paperwork so now is the “interview” process.
This is when the worker comes out to talk to you and your spouse (if applicable). Because we have been through this several times before, we were prepared for the questions and nothing surprised us, but it can surprise many people when it starts. I’ll give you a recap of what we discussed so you will have an idea of what to expect when it’s your turn.
What lead you to adoption – Was it infertility issues? Have you always wanted to adopt? Why an older child or special needs child? How long have you waited for a child? Part of the questions are to make sure that if you are adopting due to infertility that you have resolved any grief you had from the infertility issues.
What is your parenting style – This is most applicable if you have other children in the house. If you have taken parenting classes such as Love & Logic, this is the time to mention them. Mostly the worker is looking for information on how you plan to handle consequencing your child, what strategies you have to deal with things like lying, stealing, raging or other “typical” behaviors that you might encounter.
How are you the same or different from your parents – If you have had an abusive childhood, what have you learned from this? What good things did you get from your parents and your childhood? Here’s an example that I used. When I was growing up, I was given the responsibility of cleaning the house, cooking the meals for the family and doing the laundry for the family and I was only eleven years old. I learned how to be independent. I teach my children to be independent, but I don’t force it upon them, I use it to boost my kids’ self esteem. They feel good when they learn how to do things themselves. While my independence came from an ugly situation, I am finding a way to make it positive for my family.
What difficulties have you faced in your marriage – We have had this question asked before, but since I am upfront about our abuse investigation, everyone knows what we have endured in our marriage. The question is less about your marriage than it is about how you handle adversity.
Are there any physical or mental illnesses in the family – This refers to those in your immediate household. Most illnesses are considered “OK” if they are managed with medication. When I disclosed my depression and anxiety the only questions were what medication I was on and the dosage. Given everything our family has been through, it’s not surprising that I’m being treated for this.
What kind of support system do you have – This refers in part to how your family feels about you adopting and if they will be supportive of your adoption, as well as determining if you have information on support groups, therapists, psychiatrists or other professionals that will be able to aide you with your placement.
When you are asked to write your autobiography, you will have a better understanding of what type of questions you can expect during the interview portion of the home study. Many times the worker will use your autobiography as a place to begin asking questions. There may be things that you have written that they will want further explanation on.
Having been through this process before it’s easy for me to say “don’t be nervous” but really, you don’t need to be. No one is looking for “perfect” parents, just ones who love kids.
