Part 1

There is a fantastic report out by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute. If you are not familiar with them, take the time to check out their website.

One of the portions of this report is sure to set a few people on edge, but having been one of the parents that they are talking about in the report, I know it’s true and needs to be address.

This portion of the report talks about the lack of receptivity by pre-adoptive parents when hearing about the child that they are about to take placement of. The report does not fully place blame on the adoptive parents, so give it, and me, a chance to explain.

Point one is that pre-adoptive parents are focused on the placement rather than the child’s issues. Guilty as charged. When my husband and I first read Sammy’s profile, and it was the first profile we had ever read, we thought, and yes, these are the words that actually came out of my mouth, “He’s just a ‘normal’ kid kicked up a few notches.” Looking back I can see many things in his report that should have been red flags, but I didn’t know much about special needs, attachment disorder, or other mental health issues at the time.

This leads directly to point two of the report, which is that pre-adoptive parents can have unrealistic expectations that love, nurturing and structure can “cure” a child. Again, guilty as charged. We thought giving Sammy a stable and nurturing home would be everything he needed. Given the number of moves that he had been through, the fact that he had already had a psychiatric hospitalization by the time he was four should have told me he was going to need more than structure, consistency and nurturing.

Point three resonates so well that I have to use it word for word from the report.

“Failure of adoptive parents to utilize existing resources and supports because they feel judged by the professionals with whom they have worked or because of their own stereotypes, myths, or misconceptions related to adoption.”

Oh boy, did they ever hit the nail on the head. This goes back to one of the points in Part 1 of my blog, that most adoption professionals do not have any personal experience of adoption and definitely not special needs adoption. It’s very easy for a worker to sit back and judge a parent when they have no personal knowledge of what that parent is going through. Some workers may feel that you should immediately bond with your child and feel an instant connection. Post Adoption Depression is discounted and the families told that they just need to work harder to bond with their child.

The final point in this section of the report talks about parents not having access to the resources they need to help their child. They point out several key areas, all of which are very valid and important points. They mention the lack of knowledge of the appropriate resources, the lack of time to get to the appropriate resources, and the inability to pay for the services they need.

Flash back to my life five or six years ago. We had three special needs children in our home, had heard in passing of RAD, didn’t know there were special therapists that could help us, and with managing daily life and dealing with the services we were getting for Mackenzie, we were drained. Factor in the difficulty that many of the great resources we need for our kids don’t accept Medical Assistance we are faced with trying to paying for the services out of pocket, not get services at all, or settling for less than the best because they accept the medical card.

I am glad this report is out and that the Donaldson Association is pointing out these deficiencies on both ends. They are doing the adoption industry a favor.

Look for more installments about this report to come soon.

Part 3

Photo credit