Foster Adoption Blog

09/29/07

Tantrums and rages

Posted by : Kelly in Foster Adoption Blog at 07:42 pm , 544 words, 193 views  
Categories: Specific Behaviors


I absolutely love kids who tantrum. For whatever reason, I can totally turn off my anger emotion during this time. I don’t know why, but it becomes great fun for me.

Kids tantrum or rage for a variety of reasons. Some want your attention, some only know how to show emotion through anger, some kids are frustrated at not being able to communicate what they need, want or feel, or even when they are tired.

Tantrums are age appropriate in the two or three year old age bracket. One important thing to remember is where your child is at emotionally. If your child is stuck at two or three years old, you’re going to have more tantrums than a child who is emotionally ten.

So, how do you deal with tantrums?

Prescribe it – If you know your child is going to have a tantrum, give them permission to have one. You know what your child’s regular triggers are. I know that if I give Sammy a chore, there’s going to be some kind of “backlash” from it. I will tell him “I want you to take the trash out and have a nice big fit about it.” For kids who are oppositional this works quite well. They don’t want to listen to you so they will avoid the fit.

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Rate the tantrum – If the tantrum is lame, go ahead and say it. I have done this on numerous occasions and have seen it stop a child cold, even if the child is not my own. Hannah will be having a fit and I’ll tell her “Honey, that’s really bad. You need to stomp your feet more and yell a lot louder to impress me.” Sometimes she tries to do what I say, but she usually ends up giggling. I did this with a child at church during the summer when he was being cranky and he looked at me like I was nuts (I am) but he stopped what he was doing.

Have a tantrum yourself – When you put up with some of the behaviors we do, you’re entitled to have a tantrum. If your child is on the floor kicking and screaming, get on the floor and kick and scream yourself. Your child may not stop, but you might feel better.

Have a tantrum party – Treat yourself, and anyone else witnessing the tantrum to some candy, ice cream or other treat. You should get a reward for dealing with this.

Have assigned tantrum areas – When Hannah starts up with a good one, I tell her “Take your drama some place else because this Mama don’t do drama.” Yes, grammatically incorrect, but it works. I then remind her where she is allowed to do her drama. Her choices are her room or outside. On chilly Wisconsin days outside can usually cut tantrums very short.

You can use all of these techniques out in public as well. People may look at you funny and think you’re crazy, but I’m used to that. Any mom who has ever had a kid throw a good fit will understand.

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Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Julia Fuller [Member] Email · http://special-needs.adoptionblogs.com/
I've been know to egg on a lame tantrum myself, as well as laugh. My 4 yo loves to through them, with snot and saliva. She's given up the headbanging though. I think I like the idea of a celebration for those watching. I'll use that next time. Thanks, Julia
PermalinkPermalink 09/30/07 @ 11:10
Comment from: miriam [Member] Email · http://www.growingjwards.blogspot.com
My one-year-old is such a novice, he's distractable if I do something really bizarre as he's getting wound up. Sometimes I pretend his shoe's a phone and somebody is calling for "crying Toby", others I start to sing something pseudo-operatic, or I whisper something about a favorite toy or treat. (That last one I have to be careful with, because I don't want to be played.)

I love your philosophy- there's a small group of hilarious & funky moms at my church you would fit right into!
PermalinkPermalink 09/30/07 @ 13:44
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