I used to be good at public speaking. But I think I forgot everything I knew about speaking when I ventured out to be a speaker at the Foster Parent Conference in Vail today.

One woman glared at me the whole time. She was sitting pretty close to the front, and had one of those tight in the mouth scowls that finally imprinted permanently on her face.

Several times I directed a question to her, but then miraculously she'd get a spooky sort of smirk, look down and start taking notes.

Foster mom? Caseworker? GAL?

I never did figure out who she was but she finally left after the break and didn't come back.

That helped.

There's usually someone doesn't warm up when I'm speaking. But not when they are in the front and make up a good portion of the participants.

It was a nice size group that had signed up, twenty-two people, but when the facilitator asked me to begin exactly on time at 8:00 A.M., and only four people were in the room I knew I was in trouble.

I really wanted to wait a few minutes, chatting casually with the ones who did make it, but no, I was highly encouraged to begin.

And so I did, but shouldn't have.

I should have listened to my own intuition and continued to warm up the people who were there as the stragglers came in.

Earlier, at the continental breakfast people were slowly coming down from an early wake up call. Since it was the last day of the conference, everyone had to choose, check out before breakfast, or check out after and miss the beginning of the presentations starting at 8:00 A.M..

Foster parents don't like to leave their kids with other care givers. Sometimes it is just to hard to get the kids resettled in after a respite day or two, so I knew being a speaker at conferences end would have less participants. Many of them were rushing home to be with their kids for the weekend.

So, I began, speaking to a small group, and scowl face in the front, as people wandered in with suitcases.



My speaking style is very informal - a mix of stories and interactive role playing and questions to ask each other. I'd be answering a question and a mom would come in dragging a suitcase twenty minutes late.

Never mind.

There was finally a small group of focused caring foster parents and a few caseworkers who wanted to know everything I knew about open adoption, building bridges with birth -family, and keeping yourself sane in the process.

It was a nice mix of people who finally gathered; foster parents and caseworkers from all over Colorado. One woman wanted to adopt her foster baby and another man his foster teenage son.

It was a lot to cover in ninety minutes but we all learned from each other.

Everyone wanted more information on how to handle hostile birth moms when you first encounter them in a visitation.

My advice? Ask for advice.

Ask the birth mother what the child likes to eat, what games or toys are their favorite, what parks they prefer to play in. Even if you choose not to feed your foster child donuts and Coke for breakfast, the birth moms will appreciate your asking.


Overall?

It went well, the people that wanted my info were there, and the conference was good, and I spent the rest of the day playing in Vail with my family.

Success..