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My previous blog talked about insensitivity and downright ignorance in a new movie from Hollywood. You’d think that people in a church would know better. I guess not.
My husband sent me this article and I sat with my jaw on the floor as I read it. A 13 year old boy was banned from his church in Minnesota. It seems that the boy has Autism and has some behavioral issues associated with this. He wasn’t just banned by his church, this case went to court and a judge upheld it! How in the world can a judge do this?
Obviously church is important to this family or they wouldn’t have fought this, and here they are being cut off from something so incredibly important. I know that I would not have made it through everything we went through with my faith in God and my church family. Instead of being offered support, this family is being shunned and told their child is not welcome in what should be the most welcoming of places.
To make matters worse, radio talk show host, Michael Savage, discussed this story and Autism on his radio show, and had this to say:
“I’ll tell you what autism is: In 99 percent of the cases, it’s a brat who hasn’t been told to cut the act out.”
What? Trust me, the parents I know who have children with Autism bend over backward to help their children. These children aren’t spoiled brats. This is another case of someone criticizing something they don’t understand. Rather than learn about Autism, this nationally syndicated host spouted off a comment with no regard to families who battle this disorder and work so hard for their kids.
Are we supposed to lock our children up because they make someone uncomfortable? How about educating the public about what we deal with instead? Educate people about what happens to a child who has been abused and/or neglected and how it affects their physical and mental health. If people knew what was causing some of the behaviors that were making them uncomfortable, maybe they’d step up and try to do something about it rather than just complaining.
So many parents of kids with special needs are very self conscious of their children’s behaviors. They try to head off a child’s meltdown, maintain manners, and other things that we do in “polite society” but it’s just not always possible.
I can’t imagine what I would do if my church had not supported me. First of all I would have left and looked for another church, but the comfort I received from the services and from my pastors and friends held me up through my darkest times. There were times that I scooped Sammy up and held him on the couch in the narthex while he hit me and kicked me. My friends and pastors would come out and give me a hug, a word of encouragement, or whatever I needed at the time. They did NOT tell me I was a horrible mother or that I needed to leave the church.
My bible says in Luke 18:16:
But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.
Nowhere in there does it say only those that are socially acceptable or that don’t make me feel uncomfortable.
Let’s support these families rather than telling them we don’t want to see their problems and push them away.
This story is heartbreaking. I can understand the church’s point of view, because it is hard to worship when any child is being disruptive, but what alternatives did they give the parents. Some larger churches have programs for special needs kids, but very few. If the church had offered the family some help and alternatives during worship, maybe this could have been avoided.
This church is operating under the banner of a larger denomination. How does the governing body of that denomination feel about becoming synonymous with intolerance of children with special needs?
I, too, understand where the church is coming from. As from what I have read of the story in several places the child could be VERY disruptive and because of his size could hurt others unintentionally. I am sure the pastor was put in an awkward situation if people were complaining on a regular basis.
Hannah-rae~
The church offered the family the alternative of sitting in what you would call an “overflow” room where they could watch the services on a monitor and their son would not be a disruption or physical threat to anyone….. Which I thought was a wonderful idea but the mother seemed insulted.
I believe their family has every right to worship, but they had to have understood that special provisions may have had to be made as the child grew older and more disruptive. As any parent who has ever had to take a screaming child out of a sanctuary knows, it is what is in the majority’s best interests that count. You may miss part of the services while calming your child in another room, but you do it so that the majority can worship without distraction.
I agree that if there were several special needs children in the congregation that a special program could have been started so that their parents could also enjoy the services without distractions from time to time. But then the question is, who will run the program and what special needs training would be required? I think that the parents of the special needs children would have ended up being the ones to take turns trading off care while the others went to service. That may have worked but it would be alot to handle if there were several with varying needs.
Kim
It took me a long time but I finally found a church where I felt comfortable with my special needs child. This church was developing a program for children with special needs as we started attending and it has really grown as other special needs parents are becoming aware of it. It’s grown so much we’ve had to create two classes! It’s all volunteer run and the lead volunteer is a special ed teacher. They try to have one volunteer per a child. It is a very large church though, I don’t know that this would work or be pratical in a small church.
The people whom are not allowing children with disabilities to attend are not God Minded and not worthy of Your presence you see Christ and God would welcom All the sick and aged and disabled so belive me For you and your son it is best those are not true people of faith kinda like the catholics whom turned thier backs on children whom were sexualy abused by thier priest and instead supported the priest whom is a criminal and shunned the abused child I understand your situration I am one of those children now adult ….I am a better person for Not having those people in my life and I am far more loving also so chin up The big daddy in the sky is always on our side and we will prosper
Signed ..
Still standing up for the underdog