I had to laugh as I entitled this particular blog. It made it sound like I was dealing here is aliens and though sometimes I feel that way- today is not one of those days. I am dealing with teens though and the space invasion that seems to follow along with raising them. Here is an example, I am baking today because the wind chill is below zero and I am cold. I am trying to do that in the kitchen but everyone seems to need something right now. I have children at every turn in here and finally had to kick them all out (no, not outside in the cold. Just out of my personal space.)
I think that is probably the hardest part of foster and adoption for me. I like my space. I like my things (generally) left alone. Yet, I have found that my foster children need to be the closest to me- at all times. I am constantly tripping over them. As a parent of a uniquely created family, I have to rely on the patience and grace that I should have to not meltdown completely. Notice that I said, “Should have…”
I think that the winter months are harder in this area because they are in side most of the time. It is simply too cold to do anything else. I have to admit, I am not patient in this area. I struggle with claustrophobia and the thought of being caged in, touched and generally never alone gives me very deep emotional reactions. I do fight those reactions but it takes a fight. Perhaps you struggle as I do. Maybe you feel as though your personal space is violated. Here are some techniques that I use. They seem to help.
First, I will go sit for 10 minutes. I will pick up my book or knitting and just sit. I do not ignore the kids but they are not allowed to sit with me. Its kinda like a time-out. This helps me regulate and I often figure out that much of my struggle is being stressed and not necessarily the space invasion.
Second, I get a drink of water. When I am running around and busy, I find that I do not drink enough water. That makes me irritable.
Third, I reciprocate the hug or affection and then have whatever child/children leave my workspace so that I can finish. This helps me when I do not have the 10 minutes to sit.
The kids have learned that when they are asked to leave the work area- they need to obey. It took time for them to get to know my temperament and learn to respect my personal space. Once they learned it, they found they were happier leaving when asked anyway. The penalty for staying was just too high (insert the crazy laugh.)
~Angie
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