I was thinking about this the other day, and then I saw someone post about this on one of the ADN list serves, so I thought I’d blog about it.



I thought about because I had been a little frustrated with Hannah. I don’t know why this popped into my head, but I thought “I’ve been slot machine parenting.”

What does this mean? This is a Love & Logic term. Jim Fay & Dave Funk write about it on pages 16-19 in the book “Love & Logic Solutions for Kids With Special Needs”.

Here is the short version.

You put your money in the slot machine and push the button, or pull the lever. Sometimes you get a pay out, and sometimes you don’t. Sometimes the pay out is small, and sometimes the pay out is big. You keep putting money and keep pushing the button because you’re hoping for the big payout.

Picture this scenario.

You’re standing in the line at the grocery store with Jimmy, and there is the inevitable display of candy and junk food. Jimmy asks you for a candy bar, after all he's a kid. You say no, and they repeat the question, and you say no again. This scenario repeats itself many times. A tantrum of great magnitude, complete with whining, begins. Eventually you cave in and get the candy bar. JACKPOT! Jimmy just got the big payout. The only question for Jimmy is “How many times do I have to push the button?” We set ourselves up for this.

With Coke machine parenting, you put your money in, and there is a pay out EVERY single time, but it's the payout of YOUR choice. This is a much easier form of parenting.



Now imagine this scenario.

You’re standing in the line at the grocery store with Jimmy, and there is the inevitable display of candy and junk food. Jimmy asks you for a candy bar, after all he's a kid. You say no, and the discussion is done. There is no more asking, there is no tantrum, there is no whining. How or why would this happen? Because you have established that no matter how many times Jimmy asks, there is not going to be a payout. This will not happen the first time you try this, it is a pattern that you have to set up.

Here’s what’s been happening in my house. Hannah does something I don’t like, and I give her a warning. She does it again, and I give her another warning, she does it the third time, and there is a consequence. I have just taught her that she can do it twice with no consequences, but the third time, that’s when the pay out comes, it’s just a negative pay out.

I know better. I’ve been through Love & Logic training. I practiced this type of parenting on a regular basis when Sammy was home full time. I let myself get out of the routine, and I set myself up for stress. I almost did it again just a minute ago. Hannah came in to talk to me while I was typing this. The rule is, when Mommy is on the computer, she is working, and you need to wait (unless there is danger of course). She came to ask me something, and I almost did it. Then I thought for a minute.

Our kids respond much better to Coke machine parenting. Get in the habit. It will make your life much easier.