Shame and fear…the legacies of trauma!

That is the shame that I am talking about. I have never met an abuse survivor, whether from sexual abuse or otherwise, who did not struggle with feelings of worthlessness.

I have heard that how the parents/caregivers handle the abuse is extremely important in helping the child to heal. Two children can endure similar trauma but have very different aftereffects. If the parents stand by the child and reaffirm how precious he is, then sexual abuse can be more of a bump in the road. If a child goes through what you did w/the parents denying it even happened, the results can be devastating.

Most of my friends who were sexually abused never told. However, I do have one who did, and her mother stood by her. She got some therapy in college, and she is remarkably well-adjusted today. She still has some issues, as all abuse survivors do, but she does not struggle with many of aftereffects that plague others.

Take care,

- Faith

Soblessed- There is so much trauma involved in abuse that it takes years for kids to heal, and that’s from when it’s discovered and when therapy starts.

Faith- I am one of the few who did not blame myself, but I never had to tell. My parents found out in other ways. However, the one message I HAVE carried with me my entire life is that I am not worth much. My family’s reputation was more important than I was. To this day, my mother will deny that anything happened to me. She even made the comment after a news report about a pedophile that if anyone did that to any of her grandkids, she’d string them up by their you know what. Yet, the same thing happened to me and nothing was done. This comment was just made a few years ago, so I still know where I stand all these years later.

I know several people who told as children, and the aftermath was traumatizing. Little girls are subjected to vaginal exams — VERY scary for a child. If a relative was the abuser, then families split by taking sides (often with the abuser). Some children were not believed when they told. Others were frightened when the police showed up because they believed that they had done something wrong.

Sexually abused children carry a lot of shame. I don’t usually say “all” in my writing, but I have never met a sexual abuse survivor who did not struggle with an enormous amount of shame before entering into therapy to heal. Children carry this shame on their shoulders, and they believe that the abuse was their fault. It’s hard to break free of this and tell. I believe this is part of why most sexually abused children do not tell until they are adults (if then).

- Faith

Great post!