A couple of years ago I attended the National CASA conference with Julie. One of the sessions we attended was on sexual abuse, and it was wonderful.

The man who presented the session was Dr. Wayne Duehn. He had a great way of making you understand things from the point of view of the child. Not a big stretch for me, I’ve been there. But even with my “experience” there were a couple of “light bulb” moments for me.

The first was when he gave each person in the audience a piece of paper and an envelope. He asked everyone to write down a sexual secret about themselves then put it in the envelope and seal it. Already this had people a little touchy. I know I was. I didn’t want anyone to read it while I was writing it. The next thing was to find someone in the audience and give your envelope to them. This part was quite interesting. Most people handed it to someone in close proximity to them.

He then continued his presentation, and would periodically ask if you were thinking about your envelope. Of course, most everyone raised their hands. Toward the end of the presentation, he picked up an envelope from someone and asked:

What if I opened this envelope and read what was inside, and it meant that you would never go home again? Or someone close to you might go to jail? Or that you might never see your brothers and sisters again? Or that you might never see your parents again? How likely are you to reveal this secret? That’s what we’re asking our kids to do.

WOW! The light bulb goes off. In my case, the abuse was revealed and nothing happened. Because we live in a small town and my parents didn’t want a “scandal”, it was never reported to the police. I never had to face that fear.

He also mentioned that many times, our kids don’t have sexual abuse listed in their profiles. When parents find out about they are angry because they were never told about it. Chances are, the child never told anyone. In order for a child to reveal this big secret, they have to feel safe and protected. When you’re bouncing from home to home, the kids don’t have that feeling. They may need to be in a home for a long period of time before they ever think about revealing this. When they do, they may begin with only small amounts to “test” the parent for a few things.

• To see if they are believed.

• To see if they will be able to remain in this home.

• To see if the parents will protect them, or other children in the home.

The abuser holds so much power over children. They may have been threatened if they talk, and usually the abuser is much larger than the child, so physical size alone is intimidating.

The next segment will deal with “What is sexual abuse?”