In my opinion, any sexual contact with a child should be classified as rape or sexual assault. If I, as an adult woman, am accosted on the street and a man forces oral sex on me, that is sexual assault. So, why is that just “molestation” for a child?

I read a powerful writing by someone was was repeatedly raped by a woman when she was a little girl. She said that she “claimed” the word rape for that experience. She said that is was as painful and devastating and shame-inducing and violent as any other rape, and she refused to water down her experience just because the woman did not have the “right equipment” to call this a rape. I fully agree with that.

Please do write many posts on the topic! I think it is helpful both to foster parents and the community at large.

Take care,

- Faith

The way Dr. Duehn made his point, while crude, sure showed why the definition that says only penetration is so limiting.

I also hate how we soft peddle abuse by calling it molestation instead of rape. I don’t care how old you are, if there’s penetration, it’s rape. Just because you put a different word on it doesn’t change what happened.

I could write many, many posts on this topic!!

I have read and heard about numerous incidents of sexual abuse that did not include penetration but were very traumatizing for the child. In addition to the ones you mention, I know people who experienced the following forms of sexual abuse.

*** WARNING — This list is graphic. ***

* Forcing a child to watch pornography.
* Performing oral sex on the child.
* Forcing the child to perform oral sex on the adult.
* Forcing the child to perform oral sex on another child.
* Forcing sexual contact between a child and an animal.

All of these things are traumatizing to a child, and yet none of them involve penetration.

Also, limiting the definition of sexual abuse to penetration means that only men can be held accountable. What about the women who sexually abuse children?

I get angry when I read about ignorant people who believe that anything short of penetration is not sexual abuse. There is an entire website dedicated to women who are healing from mother-daughter sexual abuse. By definition, a mother cannot penetrate a daughter, and yet the devastating aftereffects of this form of abuse cannot be denied. Women who suffer this form of abuse struggle even more because people don’t want to believe that mothers can do this, so they often do not receive the same support provided to women were were sexually abused by fathers.

I am so glad that you are raising all of these issues. Society is never going to change unless we talk about this stuff.

- Faith