Continued from Sexual Abuse – Why the secrecy?


Warning: Some content may be considered graphic.

Wikipedia describes sexual abuse as:

Sexual abuse (also referred to as molestation) is defined by the forcing of undesired sexual acts by one person to another. The term incest is defined as sexual abuse between family members, and the euphemism "bad touch" is used to describe such abuse.

Different types of sexual abuse involve:

• Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape or sexual assault

• Psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or stalking.

• The use of a position of trust for sexual purposes.

Dr. Wayne Duehn has researched sexual abuse, and has testified in many cases. He indicated that in his experience, if there is not penetration, that many times it is not considered abuse. There must be a physical sign of the incident happening. It’s not an accurate depiction of abuse though.

Dr. Duehn told a story, and you may find this graphic, but I’m going to tell it the way he did, because it was “light bulb” moment.

Dr. Duehn was testifying in a case in a small town in the south. He said his bit, but was given the brush off since there was no penetration in this case. The deputies were ushering him out, and asked if there was anything else they could do to make his stay more comfortable. Here comes the graphic part:

Dr. Duehn said “Sure, why don’t you lay on the floor and let me ejaculate in your face.” The deputy became outraged, and it took three additional deputies to hold him back from attacking Dr. Duehn. The thing is, that’s exactly what happened to the little girl in this case, but it wasn’t considered abuse. It took three men to hold back the deputy after just HEARING about it, but the act itself was dismissed regarding the little girl that it actually happened to.

Was the little girl abused? You bet! Defining sexual abuse is very difficult, and Wikipedia actually does a pretty good job of it. One of the big things to me is third part of their definition.

• The use of a position of trust for sexual purposes.

Most sexual abuse victims know and trust their abusers. According to the statistics in Dr. Duehn’s handout, 85% - 92% of perpetrators are family members. Trust and power is a huge component in this.

Kids are taught about good touch and bad touch, but what about things that don’t include touch? Do we discuss those? What if a man exposes himself to child? What about the parent who is having sex in front of a child? (Yes, this does happen. I am hearing it far more frequently). What if the perpetrator “just” wants the child to watch during masturbation? None of these include touch or penetration, but are most certainly abuse.

Unfortunately, there is no one clear definition. One way I have heard it put is “If you wouldn’t do it in front of your mother or spouse, it’s wrong.” I think that’s about as good as we can get, although, in some families, it’s still not an adequate description.

It’s up to us to teach children what abuse is, that they’re not to blame for the abuse happening, and that we are safe people to tell.

Final segment – Signs of sexual abuse