………So, to continue my discussion of my self imposed rules for accepting a fost-adopt placement, and how I arrived at these rules and my decisions… (and then in later posts, why I might break my own rules)…..

Here is the first post, and here is my argument for rule #1.

To refresh, here are the rules:

1. I only want a child younger than K
2. We do not want a sibling group
3. We did not click the OK box for African American children on our last application.
4. I would rather have physical challenges than emotional (RAD etc) ones.

Self Imposed Rule #2

2. We do not want a sibling group

In past posts, and over on the older parent adoption blog, I've written a bit about wanting a whole brood of children, but how I’m probably not really equipped to handle them.

No, with my age being forty seven, (probably 48 by adoption time), temperament – (needing lots of quiet and down time to stay functionally cheery), and being pretty selfish about wanting to go to lots of writing and art workshops, my life seems busy and full already with one child.

Still, I dream of two, and maybe three little ones running around my home and awesome front yard in the mountains.

……But I want time to integrate them into my family on my own time, with lots of hugs and rocking and holding....

That’s hard to do with siblings.

Sure, maybe you can do it. Maybe other moms and dads can do it.

but that is why they are my rules.

I get to make them up as I go, based upon what I want.

Aint life cool.


Now, just in case I break this rule, Adopting.org has these tips when adopting a sibling group.

Allow them time to adjust.

Help them set goals, and chart their progress with them.

Help them learn appropriate ways to express their feelings.

Help them accept and deal with any developmental delays.

Help them learn the relationship between cause and effect.

Help them understand and express their own feelings.

Help them learn to get along with others.

Help them feel good about themselves and their strengths.

Help them develop a conscience and feel remorse.

Be consistent. Routines can be very reassuring.

Be expressive with your love and encouragement.

Good advice, I'd say.