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Just in time for Father’s Day, this report in USA Today. It says that the number of single men adopting children is on the rise. In 1998, 669 single men became adoptive parents, and that number climbed to 1,483 in 2005. How awesome. The number of single adoptive fathers has more than doubled since 1998, but still only comprises 3% of the adoption population.
There is some even better news involved in this. Single men are generally adopting older males, who are among the hardest kids to place.
For many men, it is the only chance they will get to be parents. Single men are not on the top of the list for women looking to place their children, nor for internationally placing agencies. Most are looking for the average “whitebread” family in the suburbs.
It can be very difficult for men to adopt. Some people may question their motives and sexuality. Many times there is an assumption that the men are pedophiles who are looking for their next victim. If a married couple or a single woman takes in an older child, these questions aren’t raised, so why is it raised with single men?
In the article, Glenn Stanton, senior analyst for marriage and sexuality at Focus on the Family, a non-profit conservative group does a significant amount of gay bashing. To me his quote is ludicrous.
“A child who grows up without a mother is lacking something.” At least if a single adoptive father is heterosexual, he says, the man may marry later and give the child a mother. “With gay men, that hope is non-existent,” he says.
I have several friends who are single, heterosexual fathers. They do not have women involved in their lives, and they are great dads. Their kids are happy and healthy as well having a consistent parent in their lives who loves them. Would the kids be better off if they were placed in a home with both a mother and a father? Who knows?
Aren’t the kids already lacking something by floating through foster care with no permanency in their lives?
I also have friends that are in gay or lesbian relationships that have adopted, and they are great parents. Their kids don’t care about their sex life, they care that they have parents who love them, and isn’t that what adoption is about? Providing a loving family for children who need a parent or parents?
To show just how far the bias stretches, I typed “father and child” into Google to search for an image. It asked me if I meant to search for mother and child. Nope, I really meant to search for father and child.
Kudos to all you dads who are providing homes for these kids. Have a wonderful Father’s Day.
Thanks for the post – I agree with you that that quote is ludicrous, but unfortunately there is a common attitude that discounts fathers as just a provider to a mom who really parents, and labels any gay or single man as a pervert and abuser. Very sad. More power to the single dads who adopt and parent lovingly despite all the obstacles — thank you!
Thanks Kelly, I had no idea we were such a small part of the adoptive population. I have never had a worker show any reluctance to place because I am a single father. Photo listings used to regularly state ‘two parent or single mother family prefered’. Today that isn’t very common, times and attitudes have changed.
Questioning the motives of a single father in adoption doesn’t seem very common amongst social workers. It is still a part of the thinking of some of the general population. Even some in the adoption community find single fathers suspect. Jan Baker posted about adoptive fathers several days ago, and seemed to imply that guys who do single parent adoption must have something seriously wrong with their thinking or motivation. Jan has been around adoption long enough to know that this isn’t something new and untried. If someone of her standing and experience still holds that bias, it may be more common than I thought it was.
I am thankful for my kids and the opportunity to adopt. John