On my way back from Steven’s Point, I received a call from Sammy. He was in his therapist’s office at the treatment center. I’m not sure what prompted the call, but he had a lot to say, and was very emotional. I was so pleased to hear him put words to his feelings.



As I blogged earlier, Sammy blew out of the treatment foster home placement, before it became an actual placement. We had a conversation about this, and his responses and feelings were quite interesting.

First he felt that the foster home didn’t want them because they told him IF the placement works, IF you move in here, etc. They prefaced everything with IF. I told Sammy that was a good thing on their part, because they were trying not to lie to him and say that the placement was certain.

He then told me that he was not happy there, but didn’t know how to tell them, so he stole something so they’d get rid of him. Well, I don’t know, but most kids would use WORDS to say they were not happy. This has been a recurring theme in Sammy’s life, and one that we have never been able to conquer despite numerous therapists and different types of interventions.

He then said “just another foster family that rejected me.” Wow! After 8 years of being in a permanent family, his hurt from those previous “rejections” is still very clear. I dare anyone to tell me that repeatedly moving foster children has no impact on them. And Sammy has endured far fewer foster families than most children. Most of his moves were among his birth family. He was also unable to see that he WANTED them to reject them, and set the rejection into motion.

One more statement that he made, sort of made me laugh, but is also a sad reflection on our lives. He said “when I stole from you, handled it a hell of a lot better than this.” Yes, those were his exact words, in front of the therapist, and to his mother. In a backward way, I guess that’s a compliment. I told him “well, I’ve had 8 years of you stealing from me.” I very rarely get upset when he steals from me anymore. I usually just ask if the item is retrievable. The only thing I have gotten upset about lately is my ring with the cross on it that was a symbol of my faith. I didn’t even get that upset about it, and didn’t ask for it back. I knew it was long gone. It was probably payment to get someone to play with him at school.

The last thing he said, I’m not sure what to do with. Sammy said that when he got caught, the foster dad called him an Fing Thief. Sammy has a history of lying, so I don’t know whether to believe it or not, and if I do, what do I do with the information? Will it change anything? Is it worth the fight? Part of me says leave it be, and part of me says to fight for my child, but what would I be fighting for?

Sadly, this is a regular part of life for foster parents and foster children.