e-mail
Many newly licensed foster or adoptive parents are afraid to refuse a placement. They fear they will not be offered other placements if they refuse one, or more.
The most important thing to remember in accepting or refusing a placement is the child. Is placement in your home in the best interest of the child? If you cannot give a heartfelt “yes” to that question, then the answer should be no.
As we all know, every move is hard on a child and taking a child in with under the premise that if things don’t work you’ll just ask to have the child moved, you’re not being fair to the child. You should feel confident that the child will fit into your home and family. This is also true of existing children in your home. If you feel that these children will not willingly accept this new child, it is not in the best interest of the new child, or your existing children.
If you feel you need to refuse a placement, what should you do?
First and foremost, be honest with your worker. If there is a particular issue with a child that you feel you are not equipped to handle, or that makes the child a bad fit into your family, tell the worker what it is. This will give your worker a better idea of the child that is the right fit for you. Simply saying the child is not right for you doesn’t help in future placements. If you read a profile and see that the child has asthma and you have several pets, tell your worker.
Are there are developmental or cognitive delays that make you feel the child would do better in a different family? Are there behavioral issues that have you concerned? Voice any and all concerns to your worker. The worker may be able to clarify what you have read, but it certainly gives the worker an idea of the child that is best suited for your home.
If there are things that you don’t feel comfortable discussing, or feel it may paint you a bad light, try to address it with your worker in a way that you feel comfortable with. When we were doing the paperwork for our first placement, we did not feel that a child from another race would be a good fit with us. Not because of our own feelings, but I knew that some family members had made some racial comments that offended me very deeply and I wasn’t sure a child that didn’t “match” us would be accepted by my family. Additionally, the area we live in is not racially diverse and we did not feel it was fair to bring a child into an area where there would be little, if any, peer support. We explained these issues and our worker understood and worked with us.
Document the name of the child presented to you, the date presented, and why you refused the placement. This will give you a better indication of the “type” of children that your worker is presenting. If you are continually being presented with children that have behavioral issues that will not work in your family, you will notice the trend fairly quickly and it can be discussed with your worker.
With nearly 500,000 children in foster care each year, unless your criteria are very limited, there is a child out there who will match what you are searching for. Patience is a key factor in foster care adoption.
