My private life and my “business” life intersect on a regular basis. I’m a foster/adoptive parent, and I can’t turn that off when I walk out my door. It’s the same for every parent.

We were at a wedding this past weekend. Our former pastors did the ceremony and it was so great to see them again. They know what I do for a living and have been incredibly supportive of our family. A few years ago, one of their family members adopted two little boys from Russia. We have talked about the boys and how they are doing a number of times. Recently the topic of attachment disorder came up. The diagnosis has happened and my pastor passed along my name as a resource. The family was shocked that our pastors knew about attachment disorder, but it was explained through our long friendship.

Later that night my pastor came up to me and told me that I needed to talk to someone that was at her table for dinner. This woman works with domestic violence victims in Milwaukee. Our work mixes on many different levels. We traded information and will be sharing resources.

Recently I was talking to a friend of mine who works in post adoption services. She talks to parents the way I do and we often refer parents to each other if we are unable to find services. We were talking about my then upcoming radio interview. My friend said that she listens to things from parents every day and hears horrific stories of child abuse without batting an eye. When she listens to the radio broadcast of the child abuse fundraiser and hears the tales of abuse, she just sobs.

It’s how we compartmentalize our work from our life. I can listen to parents tell me all about what they live through and what their children have survived and I never cry. Sometimes I am shocked, but it’s very rare. When I hear what my children have been through I can’t handle it, or if I hear about something kids of my friends have been through it touches me deeply. I never made a conscious effort to act like this, but it’s what I have to do to get through things.

When I get together with other foster or adoptive friends we can exchange “war stories” about our kids and laugh about it. If we got depressed or anxious about each of these stories we’d never be able to function. What we live with and through every day is part of who we are and it makes us strong advocates for our kids. Being a foster or adoptive parent is your job. It’s not simply a 9 – 5 job. There are some days that I certainly wish it was. With this type of job your personal and “business” life are going to intersect. How much you let it happen and how you handle it is up to you.



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