We got a call yesterday from our agency. I use this the term, agency loosely, as we haven’t actually been licensed for over two years. We’ve been trying to get licensed, and have fulfilled all our requirements, but the head guy at the agency hasn’t come to finish our home review.

Hubby and I keep thinking about changing, and in fact are headed to an open house at a competing agency this week, but our agency must feel the energetic letting go of our family, and we always get a call about the same time we are ready to send a resignation letter.

Happens every couple of months or so.

The calls vary - sometimes they are about training, or a new regulation.

This time it was for a placement and went a bit like this:

Michelle, I’ve got two African American Boys, ages three and five. The parental rights are terminated but the older boy is a bit of a handful. (Translation, this boy has burned his way through his last or current foster family and maybe several more).

Would we like to foster-adopt them?

Hummm. No.

Luckily, I’ve already got my parameters for accepting the next child.

1. I only want a child younger than K
2. We do not want a sibling group
3. We did not click the OK box for African American children on our last application.
4. I would rather have physical challenges than emotional (RAD etc) ones.

Ok, I hear you roar. Please, wait before you send me hate mail or nasty comments. I’ve thought it through; discussed it with my hubby; thought long and hard about what I am willing to do, don’t want to do, wouldn’t like to do.

Most foster adopt parents have all kinds of parameters for children they will take in. It is part of the process. In fact most adoptive parents have long lists of what they want in a child.

Many of us just don’t talk about it.

It’s not politically correct.

If you want, you can ask my reasonings for all my reasons, but one of the rules of being a successful foster–adopt parent, is to understand your strengths, limitations, weaknesses and what you really want for your family.

In simple speak - Lay out your boundaries. And then, be flexible.

Yep, you have to be both. Now, would I break some of my rules? You bet. But I won’t break all of them at once.

(To be discussed in future posts)

So, we got a call, and I said no, but the process has started.


(To be continued....)