e-mail
Theresa’s post on the Adoptive Parenting blog got me to thinking about something that I had forgotten about.
About a year ago, I saw Holly Van Gulden speak in Milwaukee, talking about attachment issues.
She talked about the “pieces” of our children, and helping the kids to see themselves as pieces, rather than a whole. So many of our kids have the mentality of being a “bad kid”, rather than seeing that there is a part of them that acts badly.
Holly told the story of a young girl who had to design a dress for a program at school. She did not do what most children would do. She made a dress that represented who she is, as a whole. It was different pieces of fabric sewn together, and each piece represented a different part of her personality, or a “piece” of her.
This made so much sense to me, that we discussed this with Sammy, and talked about making a “pieces” quilt with him. He was in his first residential treatment center at the time, and didn’t come home for another 7 months, so the idea got forgotten until I read Theresa’s blog. I think this is an idea I will revisit with Sammy, and to bring up with Hannah.
Each of the kids has a prayer shawl that I knit for them, that they both love, but I don’t want to abandon this idea again. They need to discover their identities separate from being a foster child, or an adopted child.
What do we consider “pieces” of the child? With each child it will be different, but it should be fun to explore this.
Here are some examples.
Silly
Athletic
Musical
Loving
Intelligent
Artistic
Nature lover
Ethnic heritage
Person of faith (whatever that faith may be)
Yes, even angry or sad should fit in here.
All of the things that make up your child as a whole. Help your child to claim the hidden identity.
Great post and great ideas, Kelly!