One of the women in my playgroup today asked if I’ve ever heard of “Love and Logic.” I have to say that it was one of the many parenting classes that I took that actually helped me a lot.
The book, Parenting with Love and Logic, teaching children responsibilities, by Jim Fay and Foster Cline, is only one of many books that are offered on this parenting style. I’ve read a few of them, and they are all great.
The premise is that all actions have a consequence, and that as a parent, you don’t react to thechild’s action, instead, just offer up the consequence. As an example, if child throws food on the floor in a tantrum, you don’t get mad, yell, and offer back the adult version of a tantrum. Instead, you calmly remove the remainder of the food and say, “How Sad, Lunch is over.” And then go about your business. The child quickly learns that he can’t get a ‘rise’ out of you, and modifies his behavior, especially if he wants to eat lunch!
As the child grows, he is learning that he will be held accountable for behavior. Most importantly, it helped me to stay calm when I wanted to scream or get frustrated. I was given some tools to interact with the kids, rather than simply react to their behavior.
The Love and Logic Website has this as the two basic ‘rules’ for Love and Logic parenting:
1. Adults set firm limits in loving ways without anger, lecture, or threats.
When a child causes a problem the adult hands it back in loving ways
1. In a loving way, the adult holds the child accountable for solving his/her problems in a way that does not make a problem for others.
2. Children are offered choices with limits.
3. Adults use enforceable statements.
4. Adults provide delayed/extended consequences.
5. The adult’s empathy is “locked in” before consequences are delivered
The books are very easy to follow with specific guidelines and examples of how it works.
I’ve used this for my foster kids, and for K. Plain and simply, I love it.
Anyone else had success with this style of parenting?