March 14th, 2006
Categories: Books

One of the women in my playgroup today asked if I’ve ever heard of “Love and Logic.” I have to say that it was one of the many parenting classes that I took that actually helped me a lot.

The book, Parenting with Love and Logic, teaching children responsibilities, by Jim Fay and Foster Cline, is only one of many books that are offered on this parenting style. I’ve read a few of them, and they are all great.

The premise is that all actions have a consequence, and that as a parent, you don’t react to thechild’s action, instead, just offer up the consequence. As an example, if child throws food on the floor in a tantrum, you don’t get mad, yell, and offer back the adult version of a tantrum. Instead, you calmly remove the remainder of the food and say, “How Sad, Lunch is over.” And then go about your business. The child quickly learns that he can’t get a ‘rise’ out of you, and modifies his behavior, especially if he wants to eat lunch!


As the child grows, he is learning that he will be held accountable for behavior. Most importantly, it helped me to stay calm when I wanted to scream or get frustrated. I was given some tools to interact with the kids, rather than simply react to their behavior.

The Love and Logic Website has this as the two basic ‘rules’ for Love and Logic parenting:

1. Adults set firm limits in loving ways without anger, lecture, or threats.

When a child causes a problem the adult hands it back in loving ways
1. In a loving way, the adult holds the child accountable for solving his/her problems in a way that does not make a problem for others.
2. Children are offered choices with limits.
3. Adults use enforceable statements.
4. Adults provide delayed/extended consequences.
5. The adult’s empathy is “locked in” before consequences are delivered


The books are very easy to follow with specific guidelines and examples of how it works.

I’ve used this for my foster kids, and for K. Plain and simply, I love it.

Anyone else had success with this style of parenting?

2 Responses to “Parenting with Love and Logic”

  1. boolovey says:

    How would this work with say getting a toddler to go to bed. I have been reading a lot of parenting books lately and it sounds great on paper but when I try to put it into practice I’m not sure that I’m doing it right or well.

    Right now my 2 year old refuses to go to bed. We have a bedtime routine, we are firm, we pick him up and put him back in bed without making eye contact, everything. I’m not sure what the loving and logically choice is here.

  2. Hi boolovey, Boy do I relate! Just when I think I’ve got it ‘fixed’ with my two year old, she decides she doesn’t want to go to bed and we have to start all over again. I know that sleeping is one of the main issues all parents face for foster – adopted or bio children, and it is talked about on forums and blogs all the time.

    Love and Logic does work, but in my experience, it works best for a four or five year old, and up, better than two year olds….

    I find with my daughter, she sleep pattern just keeps changing.. But at least she sleeps through the night! I’ve also written a couple of other posts about sleeping.

    Read these:

    And then let us all know when you find the solution!

    Thanks for the comment/question


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