Not Liking Your Child

You may feel horrible if you feel like you don’t like your child, but we all go through it. Even parents of biological “emotionally healthy” kids feel it.

To prove that you are not alone, I don’t like Hannah very much right now. For the past six weeks we have had a string of behaviors that we haven’t seen before and it’s driving me crazy. We have tried all kinds of interventions and none of them are working.

So what do you do when you don’t like your child?

Tag team parenting – We do this often, but haven’t done much of it lately. You can do this two different ways. The first way is for one parent to take over at specific times of the day or when you are stressed. Say you stay home all day and your partner works outside the home (this is how it is at our house.) When your partner gets home it’s time to trade roles of who is the parent “in charge” or who handles the discipline. In most homes, there is one parent who is the primary caregiver and it can get tiring when you are the one handling most of the discipline and decision making. The other way is to simply tell your partner “your turn” and hand over the reins.

Take a time out – We put our kids on time out when we need a break from them or when they need to “think” about something. Why not take a time out yourself? When you feel stressed or like you just can’t take anymore, hop into the bathtub with the door locked, some great candles and maybe a glass (or bottle) of wine. Retreat to your room and hide out with a fun book. No parenting books or anything heavy. I also take what I call mental health days. This means that I take a day and, most importantly, get out of the house. I go out and do something for myself. It doesn’t have to cost anything. It can be as simple as window shopping, browsing in your library or bookstore, heading to a lake or whatever you enjoy. If you can afford it, take a couple of days off and get some real rest and relaxation.

Respite – These are the times when you need a good friend or respite provider who will take your child and give you a break. There are times when respite might be a bad thing. We are in one of those times. Hannah first came to our home when I was doing respite, and then she came to live with us. She now is afraid that if she goes to respite that she will be moving in with that family. Since we are dealing with insecurities over her pending adoption, this would be a disaster and cause more problems with her behavior. You will need to evaluate how respite will affect your child.

Most importantly, don’t beat yourself up for your feelings. We all get stressed, we all have days where the kids’ behavior drives crazy. The important thing is to be able to step back and find a way to take a break from the situation. I bet you can ask any parent and if they are honest, they’ll tell you there are days when they don’t like their children. It’s part of parenting.

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