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There was a question on one of the adoption forums and I thought it was a great question that should be addressed.
What will prevent you from being accepted as a foster parent? While I can’t give you distinct answers on that, I can tell you some things that many people are concerned about that won’t automatically have your application turned down. They may require further explanation, but they are not an automatic rejection.
An abusive childhood – I have talked about my own childhood in various blogs. I was physically abused by my mother until I was 10, emotionally abused by her until I was 35. I was sexually abused by two different men before I was 10. None of these things kept me from becoming an adoptive parent, and I had to get a foster care license in order to become an adoptive parent, so I passed all the screening for that as well. What we have lived through gives us insight into what our kids have been through and how we feel.
Things we did as a minor or young adult – I think all of us did things we regret as minors or young adults. I did a few things I would have gotten in big trouble for, I was just fortunate enough not to get caught. If you had things like underage drinking or drug arrests, your worker will want to ask questions to be sure that you do not have a current drug or alcohol issues. We all did dumb things it’s a matter of whether or not you have grown and matured since then.
Things your kids have done – Just as we did dumb things when we were young, our kids will do dumb things. Our kids may also have mental health issues that are being addressed. My son is in residential treatment and has not lived at home in nearly three years. This has not stopped me from being approved for a home study now. The worker will want to talk to any professionals involved in your child’s case. The main thing will be looking to make sure your child will not be a danger to any child that enters your home. Red flags will be sexual abuse of a child or physical abuse of a child.
Prior marriages and custody issues – When marriages end, there are sometimes ugly custody disputes. Emotions run high and feelings are hurt. How is the current arrangement and our the child’s best interest being taken care of? Are the parents still arguing, or is it now an amicable arrangement?
A less than perfect home – Some foster parents live in older homes, other people rent their home, and others rent apartments. You do not need to live in a brand new home in perfect condition and immaculately cleaned. I live in a 1929 farmhouse. It is always need of having something repaired. We are free of lead paint, our water passes inspection, and my kids’ rooms are in good condition with ample room for our family. All safety requirements are met. These are the things that workers are looking for. If they only took families that live in new homes that cost the median home cost for your area, there would be a lot fewer adoptive parents.
These are issues to be discussed with your worker. We have all made mistakes in our lives and wish there are things we could do differently or something more we could offer our kids. There are absolutely no perfect parents in this world. Remember that a child does not need a perfect parent, children need parents who will love and care for them.
