I’ve been in a bit of a tizzy this week. After reading all blogs here on adoption.com for a few days earlier in the week, I got pretty riled up and upset with myself and some of the other bloggers and some of the comments. It wasn’t any specific blog, it was the cumulative effect of my life, my daughter's open adoption, and all the reading here that I was doing.

Some of the subjects covered here last week might have included: What to name the kids, who names the kids, what the names of moms should be and who is mom. Then there was birth mothers, (or should it be birthmothers,) open adoption, special needs, RAD, nosy comments from strangers and not so well meaning relatives. You name it, if it was negative I read it. If it was positive I read it and thought it was negative. And I was upset by it. All of it.

This of course has nothing at all to do with the blogs here or the bloggers. It was my own frame of mind.

A while back my boss made a general suggestion to anyone interested to prowl the internet, and to learn more about the big adoption world out there. So I Googled; adoption, foster adoption, adoption blogs, international adoption, domestic adoption and clicked on link after link, just to see what new things I could learn, - and what I might like to write about last week. It didn't work.

It just got worse for me. There is a lot of information, but I was coming into it with a pissy attitude, and that just didn’t help me. I read about the foster moms who’ve ‘lost’ their dream kids after they got sent back to abusive drug addicted homeless moms, (been there, done that) and dossiers which have been lost or delayed. Then there were the foster moms who didn't want to know the birth moms, and the birth moms who didn't want to know the foster moms. I was attracting more of the same everywhere I went. It just got depressing. Every time I sat down to write I’d just get mad. So, instead of writing, or spending time venting to you readers here, I cleaned a closet and boy do I feel better!

I only cleaned one large walk-in closet. Just one, but I was able to throw away one HUGE bag of trash, give away another bag of stuff, list a few items on Ebay and have a box ready for the thrift store. It feels good. In fact I feel great. It makes me feel grounded and aware and, well, clean. I’ve cleaned myself of all those pent up emotions that have floated around me for days.

So, now that I’m cleansed and back into the swing of writing again, I hope to have lots of new topics in the week ahead. In the meantime, I’m playing with my daughter, counting my blessings and reminding myself that I’m doing the best I can, and its good.

Tonight when I read a bit around the net, I laughed, I cried, and I appreciated. I feel better. Our family is blessed and adoption is good.