I am already emotionally and physically depleted from the ATN conference, and today adds another dimension of emotion to my life. I don’t know how I’ll handle it.

As I blogged back in April, my former foster kids’ birthdays are very hard on me. Today is Mackenzie’s birthday. She is five. I am still incredibly jealous of Sammy having had the recent opportunity to see her and play with her. I long to see the little girl she is today as she was only 14 months old the last time we saw her.

It also brings another feeling because of a horrible anniversary. 4 years ago today my mother walked into the social services office and make child abuse allegations against me. It lead to the most miserable time of my life. Because of the dysfunctional relationship with my mother, I am sure the date was intentional.

My memories of that day are as clear as if it were happening now. Our friends Will & Steph were in town from Dallas to help us celebrate. They were Mackenzie’s godparents and made the trip specifically for this.

We were standing in the kitchen, preparing food for Mackenzie’s party. Will was working on a glaze for the ham, and Steph and I were preparing the beans. The older kids came in and told us that someone was here to see us. In walked a social worker. My heart dropped, because I knew. This was not one of our regular workers, this was an unannounced visit, and the look on her face said it all.

She took my husband and me up to our bedroom and told us what the allegations were. After speaking with us, she did not remove our children, but instead put in place a “safety plan” which said that I was not to be alone with my kids. I was the only person mentioned in the report, so my husband was allowed to “supervise” me with my kids.

The kids knew something was wrong since they could see me crying. After the worker left and we had the chance to talk to Will & Steph and explain what had happened, all four of us sat down with the kids and explained what had happened. My kids were furious. Mackenzie gave us a bit of joy during that moment, as she chose that time to be the first time she pulled up herself up to a standing position. (She was developmentally delayed due to being blind in one eye) We all cheered.

We gathered ourselves together, put on our very fake happy faces, and proceeded with her birthday party. I was not going to let anyone destroy this day. It was my daughter’s first birthday after all.

While social services is not allowed to disclose the names of the reporters, the comments made in the report told me who my accusers were. I had to spend several hours at a party with these people who were trying to destroy me.

I know I am not the only one who has memories like this, and I’m not the only one who has suffered through allegations. I hope that my sharing of this event helps you to know “You Are Not Alone.”

Other blogs on allegations here and here.
Nancy’s allegation blogs

Photo credit – Mackenzie’s first birthday party