We are taking K’s bmom out for dinner tonight. We haven’t spoken for almost two months, except to set up this date, and I never received a reply to my letter about her open adoption questions. I’m a bit nervous about it, even though I’m the one in charge. In my mind I imagine she might be a bit nervous as well. I don’t think she knows quite how to interact with us, or with K, and well, actually, I don’t really know what is ‘correct’ either.

K seems to be the only one perfectly clear on this point. She knows that I’m mom, and bmom is, well, probably a friend of moms. Someone who might play or smile at her. Someone who occasionally shares a table or playground with us.

Since it is Easter, we thought it would be a good time to reach out to her and try to connect. We’ll all pile in the car, Hubby, K and I, and bmom and her three month old daughter. It will be a funny sight I’m sure. Hubby and I look like we might be grandparents, but we are obviously not bmom’s relatives. We are both light skinned and she is dark skinned. K is not dark skinned and could pass for our birth daughter, but she looks a lot like bmom and if you look carefully, you’ll see the resemblance. Those who are curious will no doubt watch and try to figure out the relationship we all have to each other. I know that I love trying to figure out who is related to who when I see a mix match of people in a restaurant.

It takes a lot of effort to hold a conversation with bmom. She is very introverted, slightly mentally handicapped (is that the PC term?) and won’t speak first. Her heart is big, and she means well, and I’ll be watching to see how she is handling motherhood this time around. I’m not judgmental though, and won’t be critical. I hope I can be supportive.

We are bringing a few presents. Baby Signing Time, (I’ll be blogging about that later), a stuffed bunny for the baby, and a photo, taken today, of K in her Easter dress. We’ll eat cheap Mexican food and hubby will probably drink a beer. The whole outing will be less than a couple of hours and then we’ll all be home again.

Its not much of a relationship, but at least we have one. I don’t know how this open adoption will play out in the years to follow, but K will see the photos from tonight someday in the future and know that she had dinner with bmom. I’ll be able to tell stories of what bmom was like and how much love there was for her around the dinner table.

Off we go. Wish me luck!