Rest assured, I will not be breaking out into song or dance. I don’t want to scare you away.



I am headed into Sammy’s room, and will probably spend most of the day repairing the damage he has done to his room. I have another blog planned on property damage.

Hannah will be right behind me, not because her presence or help is required, but she is my shadow. Wherever I go, you will see her right behind me. Some days I turn around to back track, and run right into her.

While some days it can be annoying (5 minutes of getting dressed in privacy would be nice) it is not something I am really discouraging at this point.

When Hannah was with her first adoptive family, she did everything she could to distance herself from her family, and especially from her mom. She would willingly spend hours alone in her room, so she didn’t have to interact with anyone in the family.

This is a big defense mechanism for many of our children. Don’t get close to anyone, because you will probably lose them. Our kids go to great lengths to make sure they don’t get close. Some kids will go days, weeks, or months without bathing or changing clothes, so that they are unappealing to anyone. Sometimes this is to prevent further sexual abuse as well.

If our kids start to feel like they are “letting their guard down” and getting emotionally close to someone, you may see an increase in bad behaviors. It’s the mentality of having to hurt you, before you can hurt them.

I was gone over the weekend to my bible study class. It’s the longest I have been apart from Hannah since she came to us at the end of December. I was gone 26 hours. She let me know she was not happy about it when I returned. She lashed out at me with some behaviors. I got a hug and “I missed you Mama” when I returned, but then the rest came. She became very whiny and oppositional. She refused to pray at dinner time. The behaviors were minor, but it was clear she was angry at me for leaving.

We sent her to her room to calm down for a little bit. She came back downstairs and continued with her behaviors. This is where I took a page from the Katharine Leslie handbook. Katharine reminds us that our kids don’t understand how to communicate appropriately, or what “most kids” would do in a situation.

I wrapped my arms around Hannah and looked into her eyes. I said “this is where you would say, Mama, I missed you and I was sad.” We role played this a little bit, and she was able to handle her emotions and proceed with the evening.

Whether Hannah’s need to be near me is anxious attachment or just plain anxiousness, we’re going with it. It’s a 180 degree turn from where she was, and is far healthier than the distancing she was doing.

I’m off to play with dry wall mud, sanders and paint. Doesn’t that sound like an exciting day? If nothing else, Hannah will learn some home improvement skills from hanging out with Mom.

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