I love my church family far more than my biological family. I’d spend time with them any day. In fact we spend quite a bit of time at our church.

Part of the reason for this is that they get my kids. I have had to give very little explanation about why I parent the way I do, and why my kids can’t get hugged and kissed by everyone.

Part of the reason is that our pastors used to live next to a family that had a child with attachment issues. This was before they ever came to our church. When we discussed my kids and I said attachment, they understood.

Other people have seen us struggle, and have watched what we have done. No one ever questioned me (not to my face at least). If church was over and I was sitting in the narthex doing a holding with Sammy, I got attention and hugs instead of Sammy. When Mackenzie was born, the Mother’s Group brought us food. When she was in the hospital with RSV, people from church came to visit us. My family didn’t even call to check on her, much less visit.

When we went through our abuse investigation, my church family stepped up and OFFERED to testify on my behalf. They made arrangements for Sammy to be able to keep coming to church if he wanted to. They wrote letters of support regarding us adopting again.

Bear in mind that none of these people have ever parented a special needs child. They took me at my word with everything I told them. They never second guessed me. When you are parenting special needs children and everyone else is coming down on you, it’s wonderful to have a place where you’re not criticized.

This is not always the case. In Hannah’s previous family, her parents were accused of “child worshiping” because they did not let her attend Sunday school, but kept her close to them instead. They were doing exactly what they needed to do, and meeting great resistance along the way.

Last night I was at Shawl Ministry, and I ended up talking with one of my pastors after everyone else had left. We started out talking about puzzles and how great Hannah’s baptism was, and of course ended up talking about Sammy.

My pastors feel the same frustration I do with being unable to reach them. I know that this is a genuine feeling. We have all grown close in the eight years that we have attended this church. I can speak honestly about my feelings, knowing that I don’t have to defend myself to anyone. It’s amazing. I wish everyone had this kind of support system. I will miss my pastors greatly when they leave in just two weeks.

Photo credit