I have been overwhelmed for so long, that I didn’t remember what a “real life” was like.

Since we lost our foster kids, Sammy’s needs have been so strong that I devoted so much energy to him, along with various other projects. Last night I started back on the road to a real life.

For several years, I bowled several times a month on a league. Even when I had foster kids, it was my scheduled time out. I really enjoyed it. It ended when our abuse allegations came, partly because of the cost of the attorney, but the largest part was the fact that it meant seeing my mother on a regular basis, and I was not in a frame of mind to handle that.

A few weeks ago a friend of mine asked if I would be a substitute bowler on her Wednesday night league. I was a little hesitant since I didn’t know any of the people, and it is a bit of a drive. However, by the end of the night, I was talking and laughing, and about “regular” things. There was very little discussion about foster care, adoption, mental health, or any of the other things that I normally discuss when I am out with people.

There was some discussion because there were the normal get to know questions of “what do you do for a living?” and “do you have any kids?” These discussions were brief though.

It was incredible to be out doing something I enjoy, and not be defined by my kids, or my job. In the past I had scheduled time out, but would let myself get derailed by Sammy having a meltdown, court dates, or whatever else was going. Things are in a better place with him, and Hannah is emotionally healthy enough to have me leave, and know that I am coming back.

However, when she saw me leave with my ball and shoes last night, she looked at me and said “I want to go bowling.” I simply told her “Mommy is going out with grown ups tonight.” No meltdowns, no hysterics, just a simple hug and “Love you Mommy.”

It was a great night. In case you’re wondering, my average for the night was 135. I don’t think the pros will come looking for me anytime soon.

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