Interesting View of Adoption

Yesterday Hannah and my respite kid, J, were playing and Hannah came to tell me what they were playing. It was quite interesting. She said they were taking care of baby foxes and wolves. Whenever someone didn’t want the foxes and wolves anymore, they would take them and adopt them and then take care of them.

I love that she feels adoption is natural and completely acceptable way to build a family, even if her family was little animals. We have not really had any discussions about how she feels about adoption, but I think I have an answer.

I don’t care for the statement that she would take the babies when they weren’t wanted anymore. Maybe I’m making too much of this, but I would hate for my little girl to think that her birth mom didn’t want her. Not wanting a child and being unable to properly care for a child are two different things. Hers was the latter. She was and is loved.

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Sammy has an open view of adoption as well. He said he plans to adopt when he gets older. Unless he makes some serious changes I do not see that happening, but I am glad he is open to the possibility of adopting. Sammy has struggled with the notion of not being wanted as well. His situation is far more difficult to understand and explain. His oldest brother is not adopted so he still has occasional visits with his birth mom. Her visits are sporadic at best, but in Sammy’s mind this means that she wants his older brother but not him. We have had numerous discussions about parental rights being terminated upon adoption, and while is mind gets that, his heart doesn’t. To him it is a very black and white thing.

I doubt Sammy’s feelings are all that different from many other children in foster care. This may be the only way that they can think of that they were removed from their parents. It’s hard for young children to understand that the capabilities of parents are crucial to a child’s ability to remain in their home. That concept is very difficult to grasp for some adults. How do you explain to a child that the child didn’t do anything wrong and that the child is not at fault? Young brains don’t always have the ability to grasp this. Even Sammy, at the age of 15 is struggling with the concept. As he ages he has a better understanding, but his child’s heart is damaged. He wants to be wanted by his birth mother. Don’t we all?

However, despite feeling “unwanted” my kids still think adoption is a good thing. This makes me feel good. I wish everyone were as open to adoption as my traumatized kids. The fact that these kids have been hurt both mentally and physically but can still open their hearts is a great start.

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