In my last blog, I explained all the wrong things done when dealing with my own sexual abuse.

What do you do if you truly want to help a child instead of sweeping it under the rug? There are plenty of things you can do.

Acknowledge the abuse – In my own personal opinion that is one of the things that many people do wrong. There may be comfort, physical exams, legal issues, etc., but actually putting words to what happened to the child is important. Tell the child that you KNOW and BELIEVE they were hurt. It goes a long way.

Counseling – This one should be obvious, but it needs to be addressed. Not every counselor or therapist is equipped to deal with the child’s trauma. A professional who has experience in sexual abuse or trauma will be key to helping the child heal.

Reassure the child – Let the child know that they did not do anything wrong. Many abusers blame the child. “You MADE me do this to you.” Think of the husband battering his wife and telling her that it’s her fault that he beats her. Sometimes parents try to make sense of things, and in turn accuse the child without realizing it. “Why were you in the car with him?” can be taken as an accusation or admonishment even if it is a fact finding question.

Allowing the child to talk – Keeping the subject taboo will only reinforce to the child that they have done something wrong. Let the child know that you are there to listen to any thoughts, feelings, memories, or to answer any questions.

“Peer” support – Talking to others who have been through similar abuse can be very helpful. When my kids learned that I had gone through the same things that they had, it helped them feel less alone. They knew I understood the hurt, both mental and physical.

Explain legal proceedings – If you have to go through legal proceedings or physical exams with your child, try to explain as much of the process as you can. Telling a child that they have to tell someone what happened to them, or talk to the police is scary and overwhelming, even if it someone that they know. Telling my neighbors that their son raped me (I didn’t use those words) was incredibly terrifying, especially when I was not prepared for it. I walked into my house one day to see these people sitting there and my parents telling me to tell them what happened. It was such a traumatic moment that I can remember it vividly and it’s been 30 years since it happened.

This is one of those times when The Golden Rule can get you through plenty of things. Think of how you would want to be treated if you were the one who had been hurt. What would you want people to do for you?

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