Occasionally, a hoped-for, planned-for adoption doesn’t go through. Perhaps the parents changed their mind and parented their child; perhaps the child went to relatives. In foster adoption, the child may have been reunited with the biological family. Whatever the case, and even when you know the placement was not a sure thing, it can cause heartache and disappointment for you and your family.

Steps:

1. Allow yourself to grieve your loss.

2. Don’t be afraid to cry.

3. Treat yourself to some extra pampering. Consider massage, long walks or reading.

4. If you have other children, talk with them openly and allow them to express their feelings. If the child was already placed in your home, this will affect them as well.

5. Get counseling for yourself and your family if you feel you need it.

6. Take time to regroup before deciding to pursue adoption again.

7. Trust that the family the child went to will provide the best opportunities for the child's future.

8. Pray or meditate to find some peace.



Tips:

• Understand the five stages of grieving: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.



• Talk with others who have been through the same experience.

Resources:

Articles: Failed Placement
At Risk Placements

Author: Michelle Vandepas
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